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Your  Affectionate 
Godmother 


By  ELINOR  GLYN 

Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

The  Point  of  View 

Guinevere's  Lover 

Halcyone 

The  Reason  Why 

His  Hour 


D.  APPLETON  AND  COMPANY 
New  York  and  London 


"Never  ask  your  husband  questions" 


(Page 


Your  Affectionate 
Godmother 


By 

Elinor  Glyn 


Author  of  "  The  Point  of  View,''  "The  Reason  Why," [etc. 


Illustrated  by  Grace  Hart 


D.  Appleton  and  Company 
New  York  I9M 


COPTBIQHT,  1914,  BT 

D.  APPLETON  AND  COMPANY 


Copyright,  1912,  1913,  by  Harper's  Bazar,  Inc. 

Published  in  England  as 
"Letters  to  Caroline" 


List  of  Illustrations 

Page 

"Never  ask  your  husband  questions" 

Frontispiece 

"I  think,  firstly,  she  ought  to  under- 
stand the  colossal  importance  of 
beauty"    ......       39 

"By  all  means  play  your  golf  and  ten- 
nis, but  try  and  make  your  partner 
feel  that  these  things  are  a  means  to 
securing  the  end  he  desires"     .         .       47 

"Numbers  of  young  women  do  the 
seeking  and  the  hunting"         .         .       51 

"Marriage  is  the  aim  and  end  of  all 

sensible    girls"         ....        77 

"  'It  is  better  to  marry  the  life  you  like, 
because  after  a  while  the  man  does 
not    matter'"    .  .  .  .  .81 

"Think   what   it    would  be   to   be   with 

him    always"    .....        85 

"If  you  want  to  keep  him  in  the  bliss- 
ful state,  attend  to  pleasing  his  eye 
and  ear  when  alone  with  him"         .     103 


644487 


List  of  Illustrations 

Page 

'Above  all,  do  not  be  dramatic"         .     129 
'A  great  position  will  count  more  than 

the  romantic  part  of  love"         .         .134 
'I  wonder  if  you  smoke,  dear  girl?"     l6l 
'The  Tango — dance  it,  if  your  friends 
dance  it,  and  try  to  do  it  with  the 
most  perfect  grace"         ,         .         .     207 


Your  Affectionate 
Godmother 

November,  1912. 

NOW  that  you  are  soon  about 
to  return  from  Paris,  Car- 
oline— polished,  let  us  hope, 
in  education — it  may  be  interesting 
for  us  to  have  some  little  talks  to- 
gether upon  the  meaning  of  things 
and  the  aspects  which  life  is  likely  to 
present  to  you. 

If  you  had  been  with  me  from 
early  childhood  you  would  by  now 
have  grown  so  completely  to  under- 
stand my  point  of  view  that  words 
would  not  be  necessary  between  us. 
But  circumstances  have  arranged  that 
3 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

only  in  your  eighteenth  year  have  you 
been  given  into  my  charge,  so,  as  I 
want  you  to  be  happy,  my  dear  god- 
child, we  must  lose  no  time  in  looking 
at  a  number  of  points  which  can  assist 
that  end. 

I  understand,  by  what  I  know  of 
your  character,  that  you  have  a  clear 
idea  of  what  you  want,  and  that  is  to 
take  some  place  in  the  world  of  no 
mean  importance.  Therefore,  the 
first  thing  to  assure  yourself  of  is  that 
you  are  not  the  square  peg  screaming 
to  get  into  the  round  hole.  There  is 
nothing  so  warping  as  that  egotistical 
ignorance  which  feels  itself  fitted  for 
whatever  position  it  desires  without 
question  or  further  effort. 

To  me  the  most  startling  difference 
between  the  Americans  and  the  Eng- 
4 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

lish  is  this — that  the  English  never 
boast  of  their  attainments  or  prowess, 
in  wordSy  because  for  hundreds  of 
years  they  really  have  been  supreme 
among  the  nations,  and  so  now  they 
are  simply  filled  with  the  belief  that 
this  is  still  the  case,  and  therefore  that 
it  is  unnecessary  for  them  to  try  to 
learn  anything  new;  on  the  other 
hand,  the  Americans  boast  in  words 
continually  that  they  are  already 
ahead  of  the  rest  of  the  world,  while 
using  their  clever  brains  all  the  time 
to  pick  up  from  every  other  nation 
equipments  which  will  eventually 
make  them  so. 

I  leave  it  to  your  own  powers  of 

deduction   to    decide   which,    at   the 

present  stage  of  the  world's   rapid 

evolution,  seems  the  more  likely  to 

5 


Tmir  Affectionate  Godmother 

win  in  the  end!  But  we  are  not  now 
going  to  talk  of  the  national  charac- 
teristics of  your  two  parents  —  I 
merely  use  this  as  an  illustration  of 
what  I  want  to  teach  you  so  that  you 
may  have  the  advantage  of  knowing 
how  to  cultivate  the  good  side  of 
both.  The  thing  to  aim  at  is  to  make 
yourself  fit  for  whatever  position 
you  aspire  to,  and  to  keep  your  re- 
ceptive faculties  always  on  the  alert 
to  continue  to  acquire  good  things 
even  when  you  have  obtained  that 
position.  Then  you  will  never  need 
to  demonstrate  your  supremacy  in 
words,  every  human  being  who  comes 
in  contact  with  you  will  see  it.  And 
you  will  have  the  dignity  of  the  one 
country  and  the  ability  of  the  other  in 
your  possession. 

6 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

The  advice  which  was  generally 
given  to  girls  was  a  mixture  of  altru- 
istic idealism  coupled  with  the  inten- 
tion to  throw  dust  in  their  eyes  upon 
most  of  the  facts  of  life. 

We  have  fortunately  changed  all 
that  now.  But,  before  we  come  to 
any  material  points,  we  shall  have  to 
get  down  to  the  bedrock  of  the  main 
principle  of  life  which  is  our  religion. 
And  I  do  hope,  Caroline,  that  I  shall 
not  bore  you  by  speaking  of  this — 
for  my  religion,  and  the  one  I  want 
you  to  believe  in  as  yours,  is  a  very 
simple  one,  and  will  not  take  me  long 
to  explain.  You  see,  we  cannot  pos- 
sibly go  on  until  this  point  is  settled, 
because  it  is  the  key  to  all  others. 

I  believe  I  had  better  enclose  you  a 
dialogue  I  once  wrote  when  strongly 
7i 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

under  the  influence  of  the  style  of 
Lucian,  that  later  Greek  master  of 
inimitable  cynical  humor.  Your  ap- 
preciation of  style  and  your  sense  of 
humor,  I  trust,  have  been  cultivated 
sufficiently  to  be  able  to  grasp  the  fact 
that  a  reverent  and  divine  belief  is 
wrapped  up  in  what  at  first  reads  as 
flippant  language.  I  wrote  a  num- 
ber of  these  dialogues  upon  aU  sorts 
of  subjects  when  I  was  in  the  same 
mood,  and,  if  you  like  them,  and  un- 
derstand them,  I  can  send  them  to 
you  from  time  to  time,  to  illustrate 
my  meaning,  for  the  finishing  of  your 
education,  and  the  perfecting  of  your 
armory  of  weapons  which  must  be  of 
a  sort  which  is  not  obsolete  for  the 
fight  of  life. 

All  godmothers  writing  to  their 
8 


^Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

godchildren — and  indeed  all  women 
writing  to  the  young — are  very  apt 
to  be  dreadfully  serious  and  to  give 
them  only  the  heaviest  fare,  which 
must  inevitably  weary  them.  Now, 
Caroline,  there  is  not  going  to  be  any 
of  that  kind  of  thing  between  you 
and  me,  because  my  aim  is  not  to  show 
you  how  many  stereotyped  moral  sen- 
timents I  can  instill  into  you  on  ortho- 
dox lines — but  it  is  to  try  to  prepare 
you  for  that  place  in  the  social  sphere 
which  you  have  a  right  by  accident  of 
birth  and  fortune  to  expect.  And, 
above  all,  my  aim  is  to  try  to  help  you 
to  gain  happiness  spelt  with  a  big 
H — as  happiness  is  obtainable  in  this 
hour  of  the  world's  enlightenment. 
It  is  not  always  possible  for  older 
people  to  secure  it,  because,  when 

d 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

they  were  in  the  gloomy  retrogres- 
sionist  atmosphere  which  held  sway  in 
their  younger  days,  they  laid  up  for 
themselves  limitations  which  may 
take  them  all  their  lives  on  this  planet 
to  get  through. 

You,  Caroline,  have  not  had  time 
to  incur  any  serious  debts  to  fate,  so 
you  have  a  real  chance  to  achieve  the 
desired  end,  and  so  progress  in  body, 
soul,  and  spirit.  Now  read  the  dia- 
logue. 

Dialogue  between  Elinor  and 
John 

Dedicated  to  the  shades  of  Lucian 
and  Don  Quixote 

Elinor:      Very    well,    my    good 
friend,  let  us  begin  by  discussing  re- 
10 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 


ligion  then,  and  from  there  we  can 
branch  off  to  other  matters  which 
come  up,  and,  as  you  are  here  merely 
to  make  a  few  remarks,  I  gather,  and 
leave  the  hard  work  to  me,  I  consider 
I  have  the  right  to  select  my  sub- 
jects— and  I  choose  religion  to  begin 
upon. 

John:  I'll  do  my  best  to  listen, 
but  women  are  illogical  beings,  and 
you  will  pardon  a  yawn  now  and 
then. 

Elinor:  All  I  ask  is  good  man- 
ners— conceal  your  yawn  behind  a  re- 
spectful hand. 

John:  Begin — as  yet  I  am  all 
attention ! 

Elinor:  My  religion  is  very  sim- 
ple. It  started  by  being  a  rebellion 
against  the  narrow  orthodoxy  which 
11 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

I  had  been  taught  in  my  youth.  I  re- 
fused to  credit  the  idea  that  we  were 
all  born  miserable  sinners.  I  felt  that 
we  were  glorious  creatures  who  should 
stand  upright  and  rise  into  space.  I 
resented  the  attitude  of  all  saints  and 
martyrs  as  depicted  in  statuary  and 
painting — a  niea  culpa  attitude — a 
pleading  for  the  charity  of  some  om- 
nipotent being  to  overlook  a  personal 
fault — as  it  were  to  say,  "If  I  grovel 
enough  your  jranity  will  be  appeased 
and  you  won't  punish  me."  I  looked 
round  at  the  glorious  world  of  nature 
and  at  the  wonder  of  my  own  body, 
full  of  health  and  vitality,  and  I 
wanted  to  cry  aloud  to  God,  "Dear 
God,  I  am  so  glad  you  have  made  me, 
and  I  mean  to  do  the  very  best  I  can 
for  your  creation  in  return." 
12 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

John:  That  is  not  altogether  a 
bad  idea. 

Elinor:  I  felt  that  human 
beings,  because  of  their  gift  of  ar- 
ticulate speech,  were  different  to  ani- 
mals, and  had  been  given  a  higher 
spark  of  the  divine  essence  in  their 
possession  of  the  loan  of  a  more  re- 
sponsible soul.  I  seemed  to  realize 
that  we  had  no  smallest  right  to  soil 
it  or  degrade  it,  since  God  need  not 
have  lent  it  to  us  at  all  if  He  had 
not  wished.  We  were,  so  to  speak, 
on  our  honor  with  the  thing.  I  sud- 
denly understood  that  it  was  un- 
speakable disgrace  to  commit  paltry 
actions  just  because  people  would  not 
know  about  them — that  even  if  one 
had  to  admit  the  necessity  of  bluff 
in  the  affairs  of  men  sometimes  it 
13 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

was  perfectly  childish  to  use  it  in 
dealing  with  God — and  not  only 
childish,  but  useless. 

John  :  You  would  be  honest  with 
God!  Tut,  tut! — a  pretty  state  of 
things !  A  theory  like  that  could  up- 
set the  world. 

Elinor:  Ta7it  pis! — I  am  not 
talking  of  expediency.  I  am  stat- 
ing my  beliefs. 

John:     Go  ahead. 

Elinor:  I  felt  that  because  we 
had  received  this  divine  triple  loan 
from  God  of  understanding,  appre- 
hension, and  emotion,  with  its 
branches  of  deduction,  critical  facul- 
ty, and  appreciation — all  things  be- 
yond the  material — we  at  least  owed 
Him  something  in  return.  You  will 
admit,  I  suppose,  that  decent  people 
14i 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

do  not  accept  the  loan  of  a  friend's 
house  and  then  utterly  neglect  and 
defile  it? 

John:  It  would  be  in  shocking 
taste. 

Elinor:  Then  doing  the  thou- 
sand-and-one  actions  which  defile  the 
soul  are  in  shocking  taste  also.  Don 
Quixote  was  infinitely  nearer  a  true 
knowledge  of  the  obligation  entailed 
by  the  possession  of  this  loan  than 
any  of  us  modern  people ! 

John:  Oh,  heavens!  are  you  go- 
ing to  drag  in  fictional  characters  to 
illustrate  your  tirade?  I  feel  the 
yawn  coming. 

Elinor:    Then  I  will  state  what 

to  me  are  the  facts  of  religion.     I 

believe  that  I  personally,  and  each 

one  of  us,  have  received  from  God, 

15 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

for  the  term  of  our  sojourn  on  earth, 
a  spark  of  Himself,  and,  since  He 
has  had  the  intelhgence  to  construct 
this  planet  and  a  number  of  others. 
He  cannot  be  so  wholly  wanting  in 
logic  as  deliberately  to  throw  this 
spark  of  Himself  into  temptation, 
and  then  deliberately  to  punish  it  for 
falling.  If  I  believed  God  capable 
of  that  I  should  utterly  despise  Him. 

John:     It  sounds  mean. 

Elinor:  Of  course.  Now  think 
a  moment.  Each  unit  being  a  part 
of  the  eternal  scheme,  the  soul  of 
each  unit  being  a  spark  of  the  Di- 
vine Consciousness,  it  follows  surely 
that  the  basis  of  all  religion  is  that 
we  must  not  soil  our  souls — not  from 
the  fear  of  hell  or  hope  of  heaven, 
but  because  they,  being  lent  by  God, 
16 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

must  return  to  Him  untarnished. 
The  law  of  cause  and  effect  takes 
care  of  the  punishments  or  rewards. 
We  bring"  each  upon  ourselves  by  our 
own  actions;  setting  in  motion  an  in- 
evitable machinery  producing  conse- 
quence, as  surely  as  when  we  thrust 
our  hand  into  the  fire  it  is  burnt. 

John:  That  sounds  all  right;  go 
on! 

Elinor:  You  see,  then,  our  set- 
ting in  motion  this  law  can  have  noth- 
ing to  do  with  the  anger  or  approval 
or  complacency  of  God.  "Be  good, 
and  you  will  go  to  heaven:  behave 
evilly,  and  you  will  go  to  hell" — one 
was  taught.  Reward  and  punish- 
ment— personal  gain  or  personal 
pain — which  gets  it  back  to  pure  sel- 
fishness. 

17 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

John  :  Then  you  would  take  away 
these  strong  motives  to  influence  hu- 
man conduct?  You  are  getting  on 
to  a  high  plane ! 

Elinor:  I  began  by  saying  we 
were  talking  of  religion;  you  seem 
to  consider  we  are  discussing  a  busi- 
ness concern. 

John:  So  it  is — put  it  how  you 
will. 

Elinor:  I  deny  that  from  my 
point,  but  I  admit  it  if  you  are  going 
to  traffic  with  rewards  and  punish- 
ments. 

John  :  Then  you  mean  to  tell  me 
that  each  unit  is  always  to  behave  in 
the  purest  manner  and  do  his  level 
best  simply  to  return  to  God  at  death 
an  untarnished  soul? 

Elinor:     Certainly. 
18 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

John:  But  you  would  do  away 
with  all  priestcraft,  all  politics,  all 
society !  'Pon  my  word,  this  is  worse 
than  Socialism.  You  know  I  never 
bargained  for  that! 

Elinor:  Nothing  of  the  kind! 
The  basic  principle  is  that  God  is 
omnipotent.  Granted  this,  and  the 
poorest  intelligence  might  then 
credit  Him  with  having  the  best  of 
all  the  attributes  with  which  He  has 
endowed  mankind,  whom  he  created 
— chief  of  these  being  common  sense. 

John:    Go  on. 

Elinor:  It  is  hardly  likely,  then, 
that  He  is  perpetrating  a  colossal 
joke  upon  His  creation  by  making 
the  whole  system  experimental.  It 
is  conceivable  that  a  brain  which 
could  evolve  the  intricate  organism 
19 


Your  Affectionate  Godviother 

of  a  minute  ant  might  be  far-seeing 
enough  to  devise  an  immutable  law 
which,  when  our  evolution  is  suffi- 
ciently advanced,  we  shall  be  able  to 
perceive,  and  to  fall  in  with  its  ac- 
tion. 

John:  We  are  all  as  yet  strug- 
gling in  the  dark,  then? 

Elinor:  More  or  less.  You  see 
time  is  no  object  to  God — these  cy- 
cles which  to  us  mean  so  much  may 
be  no  more  than  a  day  to  Him.  I 
think  you  will  admit  we  have  let  in  a 
good  deal  of  light  in  the  last  hun- 
dred years  or  so. 

John  :  Well,  yes.  But  just  think, 
then,  of  the  waste  of  time  all  the  re- 
ligions and  conventions  and  super- 
stitions have  entailed  in  the  past.  It 
makes  one  giddy  to  realize  it !  Where 
20 


I 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

would  we  be  if  we  had  always  under- 
stood your  basic  principle? 

Elinor:  Nowhere.  The  evolu- 
tion of  the  world  has  been  perfectly 
necessary,  my  good  John — you  don't 
ask  children  to  play  golf  before  they 
can  walk. 

John:  No — but  now  I  gather 
from  your  remarks  that  you  would 
sweep  away  the  incumbrances  and  re- 
strictions of  orthodox  religions. 

Elinor:  Not  at  all!  In  a  large 
family  everyone  cannot  be  grown  up 
at  the  same  time;  the  little  ones  have 
still  to  be  thought  of. 

John:  I  think  we  are  getting  a 
bit  out  of  our  depths — had  we  not 
better  get  back  to  your  muttons — in 
this  case  your  idea  of  religion? 

Elinor:  But  I  have  stated  it 
21 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

plainly;  it  is  simply  to  endeavor  to 
keep  the  soul  untarnished  so  as  to  re- 
turn it  to  God — as  a  good  butler 
keeps  his  employer's  silver  under  his 
charge  highly  polished,  even  though 
it  is  not  all  used  every  day. 

John  :  Then  what  is  the  first  step 
to  this  end? 

Elinor:  To  think  out  the  rea- 
son why  of  things,  to  try  to  see  the 
truth  in  everything. 

John:  Good  Lord!  A  fine  task! 
Are  you  aware,  my  good  woman, 
that  this  has  been  the  modest  ambi- 
tion of  several  million  of  philoso- 
phers and  theologians  and  metaphy- 
sicians before  your  day,  and  that  none 
of  them  have  altogether  succeeded? 
If  I  did  not  mind  being  rude,  I 
might  say,  "I  like  your  cheek!" 
22 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

Elinor  :  Oh,  say  what  you  please ! 
Your  words  cannot  alter  my  basic 
principle,  which  you  will  find  very 
sound,  if  you  care  to  apply  to  it  the 
test  of  common  sense. 

John:  You  mean,  to  bring  it  to 
ordinary  facts,  that  when  I  can  get 
the  better  of  a  friend  by  a  bit  of 
sharp  practice  and  make  a  pot  of 
money  without  the  risk  of  anyone's 
finding  me  out,  I  am  to  refrain  from 
doing  so  because  of  this  soul  busi- 
ness? I  do  call  that  hard!  consider- 
ing I  go  to  church  every  Sunday,  and 
subscribe  to  all  the  charities  liberally 
— and  to  the  football  clubs. 

Elinor:    Yes,  I  mean  that. 

John  :  And  when  you  are  jealous 
of  a  woman  you  are  not  to  set  about 
a  vile,  false  insinuation  against  her, 
23 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

even  though  it  could  never  be  traced 
to  your  door? 

Elinor:    Certainly  not. 

John:  But,  my  poor  child,  that 
would  produce  a  universal  state  of 
brotherly  love.  You  had  not  sug- 
gested that  before  as  one  of  your 
component  parts  of  religion! 

Elinor:  John,  when  God  made 
man  I  do  believe  He  left  out  one 
colossal  quality  in  him — the  faculty 
of  seeing  the  obvious.  Women  can 
see  it  sometimes,  but  men! — almost 
never!  So  I  shall  have  to  tell  it  to 
you  in  plain  words.    God  is  love! 

HERE  ENDS  THE  DIALOGUE 

Now,  when  you  have  digested  all 
this,  Caroline,  I  want  you  to  think 
what    that    sort    of    religion    really 
24> 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

means — and  how  it  must  elevate  its 
believers  into  great  broad  aims  and 
ends.  How  it  must  destroy  all  pal- 
try meannesses,  because,  once  a  per- 
son realized  that,  even  if  no  one  on 
earth  could  ever  know  of  his  small 
action,  his  own  soul  would  be  aware 
of  it,  and  become  tarnished  in  conse- 
quence— then  surely  he  would  hesi- 
tate to  commit  that  which  would  in- 
jure his  own  self-respect. 

There  is  another  point  to  be  con- 
sidered: how  best  to  arrive  at  what 
is  actually  right  or  wrong.  And  this 
can  only  be  done  by  psychological 
deduction,  through  effect  back  to 
cause.  If  the  results  of  an  action 
produce  pain  and  sorrow  and  evil, 
then  the  action — which  is  cause 
— must  be  bad.  And,  as  there  is  noth- 
25 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ing  new  under  the  sun — and  all  ac- 
tions you  would  be  likely  to  commit 
have  already  been  committed  by 
others  in  the  past — you  can  get  a 
general  idea  as  to  their  probable  re- 
sult. But,  above  all  other  sides,  the 
one  to  be  examined  is  the  effect  upon 
the  community.  If  the  result  of  the 
action  can  only  affect  j^ourself ,  then 
you  have  the  right  to  consider 
wkether  or  no  you  will  be  prepared 
to  pay  the  price  of  it  before  you  com- 
mit it.  But  if  there  is  plain  indica- 
tion that  it  can  degrade  or  injure 
others  who  are  near  to  you,  or  the 
community  at  large  to  which  you  be- 
long, then  the  sin  of  it  "jumps  to  the 
eyes,"  as  the  French  say. 

The  test  of  every  action  is  whether 
or  no  it  would  injure  your  own  self;' 
26 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

respect;  firstly,  entirely  for  you ;  and, 
secondly,  in  regard  to  the  communi- 
ty— because  your  self-respect  would 
be  injured  if  you  felt  you  had  hurt 
the  community. 

You  are  a  responsible  being,  you 
know,  Caroline,  a  being  with  natu- 
rally fine  qualities,  and  one  who  has 
had  the  fortune  to  have  received  the 
highest  education.  Therefore  you 
must  "make  good,"  and  show  that, 
when  art  and  science,  directed  by 
common  sense,  have  done  their  best 
for  a  young  girl,  she  can  prove  in 
herself  that  it  is  worth  while  to  use 
these  two  things  for  the  perfecting 
of  the  coming  woman  who  is  to  be 
the  mother  of  that  race  of  mental 
giants  which  we  hope  the  middle  of 
this,  our  century,  will  produce. 
27 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

I  think  I  am  a  crusader  for  the 
cause  of  common  sense — which  is 
only  another  word  for  what  God 
meant  when  He  endowed  Solomon 
with  wisdom.  And,  as  these  letters 
to  you  go  on,  you  will  observe  that 
every  single  point  we  shall  discuss 
will  be  ruled  by  this  aspect. 

For  the  highest  ideals  are  only 
common  sense  poetically  treated. 
And  now,  Caroline,  good-night — we 
have  finished  this  talk  upon  religion 
— and  need  not  refer  to  it  again,  since 
I  believe  your  intelligence  is  such  that 
you  have  grasped  my  basic  princi- 
ple. You  will  hear  from  me  soon 
upon  another  subject. 

Your  affectionate  godmother, 

E.G. 


II 


December,  1912. 

I  HOPE  j'^ou  were  not  very  bored 
by  my  last  and  rather  serious 
letter,  Caroline.  I  was  obliged 
to  begin  in  that  solid  way,  so  that  we 
could  be  sure  of  our  points  of  view 
being  the  same  for  future  talks, 
but  in  this  missive  I  am  going  to 
write  about  something  quite  diflPer- 
ent,  and  almost  as  important — your 
manners ! 

The  tendency  of  the  present  day  is 
to  do  away  with  all  gentle  things, 
and  among  them  courtesy  has  gone 
by  the  board,  so  that  to  see  anyone 
still  with  beautiful  and  gracious  man- 
ners is  a  thing  to  be  remarked  upon 
31 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

and  rejoiced  over.  And  I  want  you 
to  be  among  this  small  company  of 
the  survival  of  other  days! 

The  modern  young  woman  is  so 
innately  selfish  that,  as  a  rule,  her 
manners  are  only  good  when  some 
definite  momentary  gain  to  herself 
makes  their  display  worth  while.  She 
is  too  short-sighted  to  look  ahead  and 
see  their  value,  and  she  is  no  longer 
a  proud  person  remembering  what 
is  due  to  herself,  and,  therefore,  that 
good  manners  ought  to  be  the  stamp 
of  her  breeding.  She  is  often  as 
primitive  as  a  young  savage,  with  a 
smattering  of  a  fair  mental  educa- 
tion on  top. 

Numbers  of  kind-hearted  mothers 
about  forty  years  ago  began  to  think 
that  their  own  training  had  been  hor- 
32 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ribly  stiif  and  cruel,  and  gave  a  much 
greater  license  to  their  offspring. 
Deportment  masters  and  mistresses 
grew  to  be  less  and  less  in  vogue, 
and  ridicule  was  cast  upon  the  rules 
that  had  been  in  practice  for  every 
girl  entering  society.  People  began 
to  laugh  at  numbers  of  things,  a 
sense  of  humor  was  reviving,  and  it 
attacked  the  methods  and  fashions 
of  "young  ladyhood."  The  children 
of  those  days,  who  are  now  mothers 
of  the  present  young  girls,  went  a 
step  further,  with  the  best  intentions, 
and  augmented,  by  the  craze  for  ex- 
ercise and  out-of-door  games,  the  ef- 
fect of  the  lax  rules  of  deportment, 
so  that  now  one  hardly  ever  sees  a 
really  gracious  and  graceful  young 
girl,  and  some  of  them  are  the  most 
33 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

unattractive  specimens  of  youthful 
females  in  consequence. 

Now,  Caroline,  I  want  you  to  be 
a  cunning  creature  and  combine  the 
methods  of  the  old  and  the  new.  If 
your  tastes  incline  to  violent  outdoor 
games,  assiduously  cultivate  beauti- 
ful and  gracious  manners  as  well,  so 
that  the  young  men  you  play  with, 
while  admiring  your  skill,  will  not 
feel  they  can  treat  you  as  "another 
fellow,"  hardly  with  courtesy,  and 
with  no  consideration. 

Try  not  to  swing  your  arms  and 
be  ungraceful  in  walking.  Try  not 
to  sit  in  every  awkward  position  that 
may  be  comfortable.  Do  not  cross 
your  legs  and  display  yards  of  ankle, 
and,  above  all,  do  not  lean  both  el- 
bows upon  the  table  and  eat  as 
34. 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

though  at  a  picnic  where  gipsy's 
ways  were  good  enough.  One  sees 
all  these  defects  so  constantly  now 
that  one  has  almost  ceased  to  remark 
upon  them.  The  very  tight  skirts 
have  done  one  thing  for  women — 
they  have  enormously  improved  their 
walk,  making  those  long,  manly 
strides  impossible.  I  suppose  no  na- 
tion in  the  world  has  such  naturally 
perfectly-shaped  bones  and  propor- 
tions— and  no  nation  spoils  these  ad- 
vantages so  much  by  their  atrocious 
movements  as  we  do.  Well,  what  a 
pity !  And  why  cannot  common  sense 
step  in  and  rectify  this  failing? 
Why  do  anything  with  exaggera- 
tion? Why  play  games  to  death, 
turning  a  pleasure  into  a  grind?  All 
is  out  of  balance ;  and  by  these  unat- 
35 


Vonr  Affectionate  Godmother 

tractive  methods  girls  have  often  had 
to  become  the  seekers,  not  the  sought- 
after  ! 

You  must  remember,  Caroline, 
that  you  will  be  in  a  country  where 
women  are  in  an  enormous  majority 
— and  the  effect  of  this  is  that  the 
men,  unconsciously  and  naturally, 
have  a  great  idea  of  their  own  value. 
It  is  not  their  fault,  or  because  they 
are  particularly  vain  men;  it  is  sim- 
ply because  there  are  so  few  of  them 
and  so  many  of  us!  Therefore,  if 
you  want  really  to  enjoy  life  and 
count  as  a  coveted  quantity,  you 
must  rise  above  the  general  company 
of  young,  unmeaning  beings  of  your 
sex,  so  as  to  make  the  nice  young 
man  you  may  fancy  think  of  you, 
not  as  one  of  a  batch  for  him  to 
36 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

choose  from,  but  as  the  only  desira- 
ble creature  in  all  the  world  for  him 
to  strive  to  obtain.  The  really  in- 
teresting thing  is  to  be  a  personality, 
not  one  of  the  herd.  And  I  would 
like  to  see  you,  Caroline,  with  your 
beauty  and  your  position,  starting  a 
new  fashion  in  young  girls  when  you 
come  out.  For,  my  dear  child,  re- 
alize one  thing, — all  the  stuff  and 
nonsense  which  you  may  have  been 
told  about  women  fitting  themselves 
for  a  self-sufficing  existence,  and 
their  "rights"  and  their  assertion  of 
equality,  are  pitiful  makeshifts,  of 
use  only  if  the  poor  things  do  not 
obtain  the  sole  real  joy  and  happi- 
ness— to  be  the  loved  and  honored 
mate  of  some  nice  man.  If,  by  your 
self-assertion  and  exaggerated  men- 
37i 


You?'  Affectionate  Godmother 

tality,  you  have  been  able  to  crush 
out  all  sex  instinct,  then  you  become 
as  the  working  bee — of  a  third  sex, 
an  anomaly  in  nature,  and  a  ridicu- 
lous excrescence  in  God's  scheme  of 
human  progression.  So  for  heaven's 
sake,  my  sweet  Caroline,  keep  this 
in  view.  Train  what  individuality  in 
yourself  you  will,  but  keep  your  clear 
perspective  so  as  to  be  able  to  see 
the  ultimate  goal  of  happiness. 

I  think  I  have  been  rather  gen- 
eralizing, so  now  I  want  to  come 
down  to  a  concrete  description  of 
what  I  think  would  be  a  perfect 
young  girl,  and  you  must  tell  me  if 
you  agree  >vith  this  picture  of  a  fe- 
male "admirable  Crichton"!  I  think, 
firstly,  she  ought  to  be  sensible 
enough  to  understand  the  colossal 
38 


*7  think,  firstly,  she  ought  to  understand  the 
colossal  importance  of  beauty."^ 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

importance  and  value  of  beauty,  and 
to  have  learned  to  take  care  of  her 
personal  appearance,  so  that  in  every 
way  she  is  a  pleasure  to  the  eye.  She 
ought  to  have  discovered  early  what 
style  of  garments  suits  her;  she 
should  have  practiced  until  she  can 
do  her  hair  becomingly;  and  by  ex- 
ercises, and  by  care  in  remembering 
what  is  ugly  and  to  be  avoided,  she 
should  have  perfected  the  grace  of 
her  body's  movements.  All  these 
things  having  been  looked  upon, 
not  as  vanities,  but  as  the  natural 
polishing  of  the  body  God  had  en- 
trusted her  with,  as  the  shrine  for  her 
soul. 

Her  voice  should  be  soft,  and  her 
cultivation  at  least  sufficient — should 
she  not  be  naturally  clever — to  make 
41 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

her  know  the  topics  of  the  day  which 
are  interesting  to  converse  upon ;  and 
she  should  be  broad  enough  not  to 
be  prejudiced  about  any  of  them. 

Unselfishness  in  her  should  go  as 
far  as  not  to  want  always  to  have 
her  own  way,  regardless  of  whom  it 
hurts  or  discomforts.  (One  could 
not  expect  more  than  that  in  these 
days!) 

She  ought  to  have  so  high  a  re- 
spect for  herself  that  she  could  never 
make  herself  cheap,  but  she  should 
also  have  common  sense  enough  to 
realize  that,  because  it  is,  numeri- 
cally, such  an  unequal  fight  between 
the  sexes,  she  must  have  her  weapons 
of  attraction  peculiarly  well  polished. 
Then,  out  of  the  limited  circle  of  pos- 
sible husbands  she  will  have  to  choose 
42 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

from,  she  may  hope  to  attract  the 
best — because  like  chngs  to  like. 

As  she  is  my  ideal  young  girl,  she 
will  not  be  stupid  enough  to  set  out 
with  the  idea  of  making  her  own  life 
self-sufficing.  Whatever  circum- 
stances may  force  her  to  do  after- 
ward, at  least  to  start  with  she  will 
know  that  to  be  happily  married  is 
the  natural  goal,  and  that  to  obtain 
this  good  thing  she  must  take  care 
of  her  equipments  and  fit  them  for 
the  post  she  aspires  to. 

She  must  have  tact  and  a  highly 
cultivated  sense  of  humor,  so  that 
she  may  not  be  a  bore  with  her  no- 
tions and  her  egotism.  She  must  not 
stand  against  the  times,  but  be  so 
ruled  by  fine  taste  that  she  cannot 
be  drawn  into  any  exaggeration. 
43 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

Her  ambition  is  to  become  the  in- 
spiration and  adored  mate  of  what- 
ever nice  man  she  may  marry,  be- 
cause, as  she  is  very  highly  refined 
and  balanced,  she  will  not  be  attract- 
ed by  the  weakling  or  the  fool,  whom 
she  would  inevitably  rule  while  she 
despised  him. 

If  she  finds  that  somehow  she  has 
drifted  into  union  with  one  of  these 
beings,  then  it  will  be  time  enough 
for  her  to  assert  her  supremacy — and 
the  more  self -controlled  and  equili- 
brated she  is,  the  more  successfully 
will  she  be  able  to  stand  alone  if  ne- 
cessity requires  her  to  do  so.  But, 
Caroline,  remember  that  the  natural 
goal  and  the  happy  and  glorious  goal 
of  a  woman  is  to  strive  to  be  the  re- 
fining influence,  the  inspiration  and 
44 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

the  worshiped  joy  of  a  man.  When 
she  has  to  be  self-sufficing,  then,  no 
matter  how  great  she  may  become, 
the  happiness  is  only  second-best.  So 
as  you  have  youth  and  a  clear  sky, 
child,  I  want  you  to  set  forth  with 
a  desire  for  this  best  and  greatest 
happiness. 

There  are  splendid  and  suitable 
young  men  coming  on  every  year, 
so  this  should  not  be  an  impossible 
attainment.  Do  you  remember  what 
Tennyson  wrote  about  King  Arthur 
making  his  knights  swear  this  vow 
after  the  others? 

To  love  one  maiden  only,  cleave  to  her. 
And  worship  her  by  years  of  noble  needs, 
Until  they  won  her;  for  indeed  I  knew 
Of  no  more  subtle  master  under  heaven 
Than  is  the  maiden  passion  for  a  maid. 
Not  only  to  keep  down  the  base  in  man, 

45 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

But  teach  high  thought  and  amiable  words 
And  courtliness,  and  the  desire  of  fame. 
And  love  of  truth,  and  all  that  makes  a  man. 

Now,  even  with  your  limited  ex- 
perience, Caroline,  I  am  sure  you  will 
agree  with  me  that  there  are  very  few 
modern  maidens  who  are  able  to 
make  a  young  man  desire  to  shine 
in  any  of  these  ways.  They  do 
not  inspire  him  with  much  rever- 
ence for  themselves,  or  even  much 
love! 

Often  the  most  they  can  make  him 
feel  is  that  they  play  a  good  game 
of  golf,  or  that  they  "aren't  bad 
sorts,"  or  something  of  that  kind. 
For  you  must  not  forget  that  what- 
ever the  other  person  thinks  and  feels 
about  you  is  what  you  yourself  have 
given  him  the  presentment  of.  It 
46 


''By  all  means  play  your  golf  and  your  tennis, 
but  try  and  make  your  partner  feel  that  these 
things  are  a  means  to  securing  the  end  he  desires." 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

entirely  lies  with  you,  therefore,  what 
impression  on  his  heart  and  brain 
you  wish  to  create.  I  do  assure  you, 
Caroline,  that  it  is  infinitely  more 
agreeable  when  he  thinks  you  all  that 
is  perfect,  and  is  passionately  in  love, 
than  when  he  is  mildly  attracted  by 
your  golf  and  your  camaraderie, 
while  his  unemployed  senses,  left  at 
liberty  to  roam,  stray  to  the  more 
cunning  young  women  of  the  chorus, 
who  have  realized  that  some  femi- 
nine allurements  are  not  bad  things 
to  cultivate.  By  all  means  play  your 
golf  and  your  tennis  if  they  give 
you  pleasure,  but  try  and  make  your 
partner  feel  that  these  things  are  a 
means  to  securing  the  end  he  desires : 
namely,  your  company  and  com- 
panionship; not  that  you  are  the 
49 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

means  to  his  enjoyment  of  the  game. 
Do  not  throw  away  all  mystery  and 
appear  a  loud,  jolly  schoolboy,  be- 
cause, if  you  do,  naturally  the  other 
"boys"  will  treat  you  as  one  of  them- 
selves, or  as  a  sister — not  as  "an- 
other fellow's  sister,"  to  be  consid- 
ered, and  whose  favors  are  to  be 
schemed  for. 

There  used  to  be  an  idea  that  girls 
must  be  warned  about  wolves  in 
sheep's  clothing,  who  wandered  in 
society  ready  to  lead  them  astray, 
corrupt  their  morals,  and  break  their 
hearts!  But,  if  these  fabulous  crea- 
tures ever  existed,  they  only  survive 
now  in  a  few  daring,  youngish  mar- 
ried men  who  make  it  their  business 
to  flirt  with  girls.  I  need  not  warn 
you  against  these,  Caroline,  because 
50 


\i»^^X9i 


*'  Numbers  of  young  women  do  the  seeking 
and  the  hunting." 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

I  know  that  you  are  a  proud  little 
lady,  and  one,  therefore,  whose  in- 
stincts would  tell  you  that  the  atten- 
tions of  a  married  man  were  merely 
an  insult,  disguised  in  whatever  form 
they  happened  to  be.  It  is  only  the 
lowest  and  cheapest  sort  of  girl  who 
willingly  encourages  such  people, 
blazoning  to  the  world  that  her  van- 
ity is  colossal  and  her  self-respect  nil. 
So  we  need  not  touch  more  upon 
this  subject.  If  a  man  is  not  free  to 
marry  a  girl,  his  assiduous  attentions 
are  an  impertinence,  to  say  the  least 
of  it. 

Owing  to  the  scarcity  of  men,  as  I 
said  before,  they  are  inclined  to  give 
themselves  airs,  and  numbers  of 
young  women  do  the  seeking  and  the 
hunting,  while  the  poor  youths  are 
53 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

scared  of  being  captured,  and,  when 
they  are  secured  at  all,  it  is  unwill- 
ingly. Must  not  that  be  a  hateful 
blow  to  the  girl's  pride  when  she 
thinks  of  it! 

The  legitimate  way  is  to  render 
yourself  as  utterly  desirable  as  pos- 
sible, and  then  fate  will  bring  you 
the  particular  needle  your  kind  of 
magnet  draws. 

There  are  all  sorts  of  points  about 
manners  which  add  to  a  girl's  charm. 
When  you  come  into  a  room  pay  re- 
spect to  elder  people;  it  will  not  take 
up  much  of  your  time,  and  is  a  gra- 
cious tribute  of  youth  to  age.  And 
when  you  go  out  to  dine  or  lunch 
do  not  sit  silent  if  you  happen  to  be 
bored  with  the  person  who  is  next 
you;  you  owe  it  to  your  hostess  to 
54i 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

try  to  make  things  as  agreeable  as 
possible.  And  when  you  stay  about 
in  country  houses  remember  this  also : 
You  have  been  asked  because  the  hos- 
tess likes  you,  or  you  are  a  credit  to 
her,  or  she  is  under  some  obligation 
to  return  some  civility  from  your 
family.  In  all  three  cases  you  ought 
to  make  good  by  proving  you  are 
a  most  desirable  guest.  Try  to  ac- 
quire prestige,  so  that  none  of  the 
nicest  parties  are  complete  without 
you;  then  you  can  choose  which  you 
prefer  to  go  to.  But  prestige  is  not 
acquired  without  tact  and  perfect 
manners  on  all  occasions.  The  ten- 
dency of  all  modern  society  is  toward 
vulgarity  and  display,  with  a  ruth- 
less, cynical,  brutal  worship  of 
wealth,  snatching  at  any  means  to 
55 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

the  end  of  luxury  and  pleasure.  Peo- 
ple accept  invitations  from  those 
they  despise,  for  no  other  reason  than 
because  they  are  rich  and  the  enter- 
tainment will  be  well  done.  It  is  aw- 
fully cheap,  is  it  not,  Caroline?  and 
a  long  way  from  my  basic  principle 
which  I  explained  to  you,  that  one 
must  not  in  any  way  degrade  one- 
self. Try  to  be  kind  to  everj'^one  you 
come  in  contact  with  and  make  them 
feel  at  home,  however  humble  they 
may  be,  if  they  are  your  guests;  be 
gracious  and  thoughtful  for  their 
comfort  and  pleasure — you  need 
never  be  familiar  or  gushing.  Be 
simple  and  modest;  all  pretense  is 
paltry  and  all  boasting  is  vain ;  noth- 
ing but  the  truth  lasts  or  gains  any 
respect. 

5Q 


Your  Affectionate  Godmotlier 

I  should  like  to  tell  you  a  little 
story,  Caroline,  before  I  finish  this 
letter,  as  an  instance  of  really  ex- 
quisite manners. 

A  year  or  two  ago  I  was  staying 
in  the  North  with  a  very  great  lady; 
we  were  all  going  in  to  Edinburgh 
for  the  daJ^  My  friend  was  a  little 
short-sighted,  and  while  we  stopped 
at  the  bookstall  before  crossing  over 
the  viaduct  to  the  departure  plat- 
form I  noticed  a  rather  humble- 
looking  little  woman  nervously  and 
anxiously  trying  to  bow  to  my  hos- 
tess, who  did  not  perceive  her.  After 
we  had  mounted  the  stairs  and 
crossed  the  line  her  daughter  told 
my  great  lady  of  this,  and  how  ^Irs. 
Mackenzie,  the  new  doctor's  wife, 
had  looked  quite  hurt.  JNIy  friend 
57 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

was  so  distressed  that  she  made  an 
excuse  to  return  to  the  bookstall,  so 
that  she  might  casually  pass  the  lit- 
tle woman  again  and  bow  and  speak, 
but  not  to  hurt  her  feelings  by  mak- 
ing her  feel  she  had  done  it  on  pur- 
pose. I  went  with  her,  and  while 
buying  an  extra  paper  she  glanced 
up  sweetly  at  the  humble-looking  lit- 
tle woman,  and  said: 

"Oh!  how  do  you  do,  Mrs.  Mac- 
kenzie? I  hope  your  little  children 
are  well,  and  the  Doctor;  so  glad  to 
see  you  are  quite  recovered  from  the 
influenza  I  heard  you  had,"  and  then, 
with  a  gracious  smile,  she  drew  me 
on,  and  we  had  to  run  back  up  the 
stairs  to  be  in  time  for  our  train. 
Such  manners  as  these  are  the  only 
true  and  beautiful  ones,  Caroline, 
5S 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

because  they  spring  from  a  kind  and 
tender  heart. 

Your  affectionate  Godmother, 

E.  G. 


Ill 


January,  1913. 

I  HAD  meant,  my  dear  Caro- 
line, to  write  to  you  upon  the 
interesting  subject  of  marriage 
in  this  letter,  but  before  I  can  com- 
mence upon  that,  I  must  speak  of 
something  else,  and  you  must  prom- 
ise me  not  to  be  offended  at  what 
I  am  going  to  say,  since  we  both  de- 
sire the  same  end — your  success  and 
welfare.  The  fact  is,  your  picture, 
which  you  tell  me  was  drawn  by  a 
friend,  has  just  reached  me.  You 
say  it  is  more  like  you  than  the  only 
photograph  I  possess  of  you,  taken 
when  you  were  fifteen;  and  it  is  be- 
cause of  your  assuring  me  of  this 
63 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

that  I  cannot  remain  silent — for, 
Caroline  child,  I  must  confess  it 
shocks  and  disconcerts  me,  and 
makes  me  feel  that  I  must  be  very- 
frank  with  you,  if  you  are  ever  go- 
ing to  be  able  to  attain  that  posi- 
tion which  we  both  hope  that  you 
may. 

Even  if  the  drawing  was  perhaps 
done  some  months  ago,  and  you  have 
altered  your  style  of  hairdressing 
since  then — still,  that  you  were  ever 
able  to  have  looked  like  that — you 
in  Paris! — proves  that  your  obser- 
vation and  taste  are  not  yet  suffi- 
ciently cultivated  to  make  you  any- 
thing of  a  success  when  you  come 
out  in  May.  Thus  I  must  speak 
plainly  and  at  once. 

Now,  let  us  pretend  that  the  Httle 
64i 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

girl  I  see  before  me  is  not  you  at  all, 
but  some  abstract  person;  and  let  us 
dissect  her  bit  by  bit:  her  type,  her 
style,  her  suitability — or  want  of  it 
— her  attitude  and  the  general  effect 
she  produces.  And  then  let  me  sug- 
gest the  remedies  and  alterations 
which  can  improve  her. 

Firstly,  her  type,  Caroline,  child,  is 
not  distinguished.  She  has  a  large- 
eyed,  dear  little  profile,  which  may 
be  very  pretty  as  a  full  face,  and 
which,  framed  in  appropriately  done 
hair,  could  succeed  in  being  pic- 
turesque, but  in  itself,  with  its  little 
snub  features,  is  insignificant.  She 
has  rather  a  big  head,  and  thick, 
bushy  dark  hair — which  I  grieve  to 
observe  she  has  done  in  a  large  bun 
of  sausage  curls! — a  fashion  which 
65 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

was  never  in  vogue  really  among 
ladies,  and  for  over  two  or  three 
years  has  been  relegated  to  the  pates 
of  "roof -garden"  waitresses  and 
third-class  shop  assistants.  And 
further  to  provoke  my  ire,  although 
this  girl  in  the  picture  is  dra^vn  in 
an  ordinary  morning  skirt  and  boots, 
she  wears  a  light-colored  ribbon  in 
her  hair!  Carohne,  dearest,  where 
could  her  eyes  and  observation  and 
sense  of  the  fitness  of  things  have 
been — with  the  example  of  the  ex- 
quisite Parisiennes  in  front  of  her — 
to  be  able  to  perpetrate  these  incon- 
gruities! But  there  is  more  to  come! 
Her  skirt  is  a  rough,  useful  serge 
skirt,  and  her  boots,  although  the 
heels  are  too  high,  are  not  a  bad 
shape — but  with  this  she  has  put  on 
66 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

one  of  those  cheap,  impossible 
blouses,  cut  all  in  one  piece — "ki- 
mono," I  believe  they  are  called — 
with  short  sleeves  and  an  unmeaning 
black  bow  tacked  to  the  cufF!  Now, 
a  shirt  should  be  a  workmanlike 
thing,  as  neat  as  a  man's,  and  with 
long  sleeves  finished  by  real  shirt- 
cuffs  with  links.  It  can  be  com- 
posed of  silk,  flannel,  or  linen,  but 
if  it  is  a  shirt — that  is,  a  garment 
for  the  morning,  and  to  be  worn  with 
a  rough  serge  or  tweed  winter  suit 
— ^it  should  have  no  meaningless  frip- 
peries about  it.  If  you  want 
trimmed-up  things,  have  a  regular 
blouse,  and  then  wear  it  with  an 
afternoon  costume.  Short-sleeved 
blouses  should  only  be  indulged  in 
in  the  summer,  and  when  they  are 
67 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

made  of  the  finest  material  And 
even  then,  if  the  wearer  has  what  the 
little  girl  in  this  picture  seems  to 
have — thick  wrists  and  rather  big 
hands — it  is  wiser  to  avoid  them  al- 
together ! 

Now  that  I  have  torn  her  gar- 
ments and  hair-dressing  to  pieces, 
Caroline! — I  must  scold  about  her 
attitude.  She  is  doing  two  of  the 
most  ungraceful  things:  putting  her 
arm  akimbo  and  crossing  her  legs! 
You  may  say  every  girl  does  them — 
which  may  be  true,  but  that  is  no 
proof  that  they  are  pretty  or  desira- 
ble habits!  To  digress  a  moment — 
I  went  to  a  party  the  other  night,  a 
musical  party  where  the  guests  were 
obliged  to  sit  still  round  the  room 
quietly;  and  I  counted  no  less  than 
68 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

thirteen  of  the  younger  women  with 
their  legs  crossed,  which  in  some 
cases,  on  account  of  these  very  nar- 
row skirts  we  are  all  wearing,  caused 
the  sights  to  be  perfectly  grotesque. 
There  is  something  so  cheap  about 
exposing  one's  ankles,  to  say  nothing 
of  calf,  and  almost  the  knee,  to  any 
casual  observer — don't  you  think  so? 
But  now  to  return  to  the  girl  in 
the  picture!  We  have  dissected  the 
details  and  got  to  her  style,  and  the 
effect  she  produces.  Her  style,  I 
must  frankly  say,  is  common,  Caro- 
line, and  the  effect  she  produces  is 
unprepossessing,  because  it  is  incon- 
gruous; and  incongruity  in  all  sim- 
ple, morning,  utility  clothes  is  only 
another  word  for  bad  taste.  I  could 
write  pages  and  pages  about  the  va- 
69 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

garies  of  fashion,  and  how  what 
looks  chic  one  year  may  be  vulgar 
the  next,  but  we  have  not  time  or 
space  for  that.  There  are  only  these 
general  rules  always  to  be  observed: 
for  the  morning  or  the  street,  the 
most  distinguished-looking  woman 
or  girl  is  she  who  is  garbed  the  most 
simply  and  the  most  neatly,  with 
tidy  hair  and  every  garment  plainly 
showing  its  purpose  and  meaning. 
It  is  in  this  that  the  Americans  you 
can  see  any  morning  walking  on 
Fifth  Avenue  excel.  But,  alas! 
English  maidens  nearly  always  spoil 
the  picture  by  some  unnecessary  aux- 
iliary touch  or  other. 

Now,  Caroline,  be  just,  and,  look- 
ing at  the  drawing  with  an  unpreju- 
diced eye,  you  will  admit  that  what 

70 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

I  have  said,  though  severe,  is  true. 

With  a  type  hke  yours  you  can- 
not be  too  particular  to  be  on  the  side 
of  refinement  and  good  taste,  and 
my  first  advice  is :  Brush  all  that  thick 
bush  of  hair  so  that  it  shines,  then 
part  it  and  take  the  sides  rather 
farther  back,  so  that  they  do  not 
touch  your  eyebrows  (I  like  the  tiny 
curl  by  the  ear  which  has  escaped — 
leave  that!)  ;  then  twist  all  those 
dreadful  sausages  into  the  simplest 
twist,  so  as  to  make  your  head  as 
small  as  possible — which,  apart  from 
being  the  present  fashion,  is  a  pretty 
balance.  Never  wear  a  light  ribbon 
in  the  day-time,  although  it  often 
looks  very  becoming  at  night. 

In  choosing  an  article  of  dress  you 
must  remember  the  vital  matter  of 
71 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

its  suitability;  suitability  generally, 
suitability  for  the  occasions  you  mean 
to  wear  it  on,  its  suitability  to  your- 
self and  your  type.  If  you  culti- 
vate these  points  and  use  your  eyes 
and  observation  to  see  what  is  the 
prettiest  note  in  passing  fashion,  you 
can  counteract  the  rather  common- 
place, though  pretty,  appearance 
Nature  has  endowed  you  with,  and 
turn  it  into  a  quaint,  picturesque  ht- 
tle  individuahty. 

Never  buy  things  that  you  do  not 
actually  want  just  because  they  are 
cheaj:).  Cheap  things  nearly  always 
have  disadvantages,  or  they  would 
not  be  cheap.  Have  few  clothes  and 
good  ones.  Take  care  of  them,  and 
do  not  ruthlessly  crush  and  rumple 
them  when  you  have  them  on,  even 
72 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

though  you  have  a  good  maid  to  re- 
pair your  ravages  afterwards.  I 
know  you  will  not  have  to  bother 
about  money,  but  I  say  all  this  be- 
cause I  see  by  the  blouse  you  are 
wearing  in  your  picture  that  you 
have  a  leaning  toward  these  rubbishy 
things.  Be  extremely  particular 
about  your  foot-covering,  too,  Car- 
oline. You  look  as  though  you  had 
nice  feet.  Never  buy  any  of  the  ec- 
centric fashions  that  you  see  in  every 
shop  window,  and  on  the  feet  of 
every  little  person  trotting  in  the 
street.  Go  to  one  good  bootmaker 
and  let  him  make  a  study  of  your 
foot,  and  then  have  the  simplest, 
neatest,  and  daintiest  things  made 
for  you.  You  see,  I  am  writing  to 
one  who  has  ample  money  for  what- 
73 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ever  is  required,  so  I  am  giving  her 
the  hest  advice,  because  I  fear  her 
own  taste  is  not  sound — and  she  is 
young  enough  to  learn !  If  you  were 
a  poor  girl,  Caroline,  coming  out  in 
societ}^  on  the  narrowest  means,  I 
would  send  you  all  sorts  of  hints  how 
to  arrange  and  manage  to  look  sweet 
and  lovely  upon  a  very  small  sum.  It 
is  not  that  all  cheap  things  are  ugly, 
but,  with  a  faulty  taste  and  a  large 
allowance,  it  is  wiser  for  our  end 
that  you  should  go  only  to  the  best 
shoj)s.  I  implore  you,  Caroline,  if 
the  instinct  of  personal  distinction 
does  not  come  naturally  to  you,  to 
cultivate  it  by  observation.  Every 
time  you  go  out  observe  what  women 
look  the  nicest,  and  what  makes  them 
achieve  this  effect.  Examine  your 
74 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

own  little  face,  with  its  blue  eyes  and 
black  hair,  and  try  to  imagine  which 
of  the  styles  would  suit  you  best  and 
make  you  look  the  least  ordinary. 

You  have  probably  never  thought 
of  these  things,  and  have  just  drifted 
on  with  other  school-girls  until  you 
present  the  mass  of  incongruities 
your  friend  depicted  in  the  drawing 
of  you.  I  am  extremely  grateful 
that  you  have  sent  me  this  sketch 
now,  when  it  is  not  too  late,  and  we 
have  still  some  months  before  us  to 
alter  matters.  And  j^our  letter  in  an- 
swer to  my  first  one  shows  me  that 
you  have  a  charming  nature,  and  will 
understand  this  which  I  now  write 
and  take  it  as  it  is  meant.  Exag- 
geration is  one  of  youth's  faults,  and 
easily  corrected  and  trained. 
75 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

And  now  we  can  begin  about  mar- 
riage. But,  as  the  post  is  going,  I 
shall  not  be  able  to  say  all  that  I  want 
to  in  this  letter. 

JNIarriage  is  the  aim  and  end  of 
all  sensible  girls,  because  it  is  the 
meaning  of  life.  No  single  existence 
can  be  complete,  however  full  of  in- 
terests it  may  be.  It  is  unfinished, 
and  its  pleasures  at  best  are  but  pis- 
allers.  You  agree  with  me  on  this 
point,  so  we  need  not  argue.  But 
marriage  in  this  country  is  for  life, 
unless  it  is  broken  by  divorce,  which, 
no  matter  how  the  law  may  be  sim- 
plified, and  altered  presently,  must 
always  remain  as  a  stain  upon  a 
woman  and  a  thing  to  be  faced  only 
in  the  last  extremity.  So,  Caroline 
dear,  when  you  marry  you  must  re- 
76 


"  Marriaye  is  the  aim  and  end  of  all  sensible 
girls." 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

alize  that  it  is  for  life,  and  it  is  there- 
fore a  very  serious  step,  and  not  to 
be  taken  hghtly.  The  rushing  into 
unions  without  sufficient  thought  is 
the  main  cause  of  much  of  the  mod- 
ern unhappiness.  How  can  you  ex- 
pect to  spend  peaceful,  blissful  years 
with  a  man  whom  you  have  taken 
casually  just  because  you  liked  chaf- 
fing with  him  and  dancing  with  him, 
or  playing  golf?  Think  of  the  hours 
you  must  spend  with  him  when  these 
things  will  be  impossible,  and  if  you 
have  no  other  tastes  in  common  you 
will  find  yourself  terribly  bored.  In 
one  of  my  books  I  once  wrote  this 
maxim:  "It  is  better  to  marry  the 
life  you  like,  because  after  a  while 
the  man  does  not  matter!"  It  was  a 
very  cynical  sentence,  but  unfortu- 
79 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

nately  true.  It  is  only  in  the  rarest 
cases  that  "after  a  while"  either  in- 
dividual really  matters  to  the  other. 
They  have  at  best  become  habits; 
they  are  friendly  and  jolly,  and  if 
"the  life"  is  what  they  both  like  all 
rubs  along  smoothly  enough.  But 
love — that  exquisite  essence  which 
turned  the  world  into  Paradise — is  a 
thing  flown  away. 

Now,  Caroline,  I  want  yours  to  be 
one  of  those  rare  cases  where  love  en- 
dures for  a  long  time,  and  even  when 
it  alters  into  friendship  continues  in 
perfect  sympathy. 

So,  when  you  feel  j^ourself  becom- 
ing attracted  by  a  j'oung  man,  pull 
3'^ourself  together  in  time  and  ask 
yourself,  if  the  affair  goes  on,  would 
you  really  like  him  for  a  husband? 
80 


^"  It  is  better  to  marry  the  life  you  like,  because 
after  a  while  the  man  does  not  matter.'" 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

Think  what  it  would  be  to  be  with 
him  always,  at  the  interminable 
meals,  for  years  and  years,  through 
all  the  tedious  duties  which  must 
come  with  resjionsibility.  Ask  your- 
self if  his  tastes  suit  yours,  if  his  bent 
of  mind  is  the  same,  if  you  will  be 
likely  to  agree  upon  general  points 
of  view.  And,  if  you  are  obliged  hon- 
estly to  answer  these  questions  in  the 
negative,  then  have  the  strength  of 
mind  to  crush  whatever  attraction  is 
beginning  to  spring  in  your  heart. 
Once  it  goes  on  to  passion,  no  reason 
is  of  any  use,  so  it  is  only  in  the  be- 
ginning that  judgment  can  be  em- 
ployed. 

You    must    remember    that    like 
draws  like  with  more  or  less  inten- 
sity according  to  the  force  of  char- 
83 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

acters.     I  know  you  are  highly  edu- 
cated, Carohne,  and  if  you  do  not 


Think  what  it  would  be  to  be  with  him 
always." 

let  yourself  become  priggish  you 
should  draw  a  very  nice  young  man. 
Then  let  us  suppose  you  have  done 
so,  and  marry  him.  You  are  then 
84 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

contracting  a  bargain,  and  you  have 
to  fulfil  your  half.  The  modern 
young  woman  seems  to  imagine  she 
has  done  quite  enough  by  going 
through  the  ceremony,  and  hencefor- 
ward she  is  to  do  exactly  what  she 
pleases,  and  only  consider  her  own 
pleasure  on  all  occasions.  This  at- 
titude of  mind  makes  things  very 
hard  upon  the  poor  young  man,  who 
presently  gets  bored  with  her,  and, 
as  in  these  days  honor  and  rigid 
morality  are  rather  vieux  jeu,  he  soon 
drifts  away  to  other  interests  and 
amusements.  And  one  cannot  blame 
him.  It  is  upon  your  obligations  and 
behavior,  not  his,  that  I  wish  to  write 
to  you  at  length,  Caroline,  but  in 
this  letter  I  shall  have  time  only  to 
begin.  You  must  start  by  under- 
85 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

standing  that  the  natures  of  men  and 
women  are  totally  different.  Men 
are  infinitely  more  simple,  and  the 
British  education  helps  them  by  its 
drumming  into  their  heads  the 
knowledge  of  what  is  or  is  not 
"cricket."  Their  natural  methods 
are  more  direct,  and  they  are  much 
easier  to  deal  with.  They  are  funda- 
mentally and  unconsciously  selfish, 
because  for  generations  women  have 
been  taught  to  give  way  to  them. 
You  must  accept  this  fact  and  not 
storm  and  rage  against  it.  The  only 
way  you  can  change  it  in  regard  to 
your  own  personal  male  belonging  is 
by  inspiring  in  him  intense  devotion 
to  yourself;  but,  even  so,  it  is  wiser 
to  face  it  and  make  the  best  of  it, 
and  not  be  disillusioned.  You  are 
86 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

probably  selfish  also;  it  is  one  of  the 
greatest  signs  of  the  age,  the  grow- 
ing selfishness  of  women.  It  is  not 
altogether  a  bad  thing;  it  is  a  proof 
in  one  way  of  their  increasing  indi- 
viduality; but  meanwhile  it  does  not 
tend  toward  their  happiness.  Now, 
Caroline,  I  am  sure  you  will  agree 
with  me  that  to  aim  at  happiness  is 
a  wiser  and  more  agreeable  thing 
than  just  to  express  the  growing  in- 
dividuality of  your  sex ! 

I  must  reiterate  what  I  said  in  my 
former  letters ;  I  am  advising  you  for 
a  first  start  in  all  things.  Circum- 
stances may  arise  which  may  alter 
possibilities,  but,  to  begin  upon,  we 
may  as  well  aim  at  the  best,  and  not 
fight  windmills;  storming  that  men 
ought  to  be  different,  and  that 
87 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

women  should  not  give  way,  being 
their  superiors  in  most  things! 

It  will  take  much  longer  than 
your  lifetime  (and  I  personally  hope, 
in  spite  of  the  wrath  I  shall  excite 
in  stating  this, — much  longer  than 
many  lifetimes)  to  change  the  nature 
of  men.  So  do  not  let  us  bother  over 
these  abstract  points,  but  accept  men 
as  they  are,  dear,  attractive,  selfish 
darlings!  with  generous  hearts  and 
a  quite  remarkable  faculty  for  play- 
ing fair  in  any  game.  So  you  must 
play  fair  also,  and  try  to  understand 
the  rules  and  follow  them.  If  the 
husband  you  select  has  a  stronger 
character  than  you  have,  and  if  he  is 
also  extremely  desira])le  to  other 
women,  the  only  way  you  will  be  able 
to  keep  liim  through  all  tlie  years  to 
88 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

come  will  be  by  being  invariably 
sweet,  loving,  and  gentle  to  him,  so 
that,  no  matter  what  tempers  and  ca- 
prices he  experiences  in  his  encoun- 
ters with  the  many  others  of  your 
sex  who  will  fling  themselves  at  his 
head,  he  will  never  have  a  memory 
but  of  love  and  peace  at  home. 
Never  mind  what  he  does,  supposing 
you  really  love  him  and  want  to  keep 
him,  this  is  the  only  method  to  use. 
It  may  even  seem  to  bore  him  at  the 
end  of  about  the  first  two  years,  but 
continue. 

If  he  is  young  and  handsome  and 
attractive  he  must  have  his  fling,  and 
you  should  let  him  have  whatever 
tether  he  requires,  while  you  influence 
him  to  good  and  beautiful  things, 
and  always  know  and  feel  certain  in 
89 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

your  heart  that  the  intense  magnetic 
force  of  your  love  and  sweetness  will 
inevitably  draw  him  back  the  mo- 
ment the  outside  fascination  palls. 
These  preliminary  remarks,  I  dare 
say,  are  calculated  to  provoke  the 
fiercest  argument  among  many  girls ; 
but  wait,  Caroline,  until  I  have  fin- 
ished explaining  the  reasons  and  dis- 
secting the  aspects,  keeping  in  view 
our  end — common  sense  and  happi- 
ness. 

You  must  tell  me  if  these  things 
interest  you  before  next  month,  when 
I  will  write  again.  Because  now  I 
must  end  this  letter. 

Your  affectionate  Godmother, 

E.  G. 


IV 


February,  1913. 

I  AM  so  glad,  my  dear  Caroline, 
to  hear  that  you  were  inter- 
ested in  my  last  letter.  It  is 
an  important  subject— marriage — 
and  one  I  want  more  fully  to  discuss 
with  you.  No  one  accomplishes  any 
role  successfully  without  some  pre- 
paratory training — and  the  role  of  a 
married  woman  requires  a  good  deal 
of  thought  bestowed  upon  it  before 
it  should  be  undertaken. 

As  I  said  in  my  last  epistle,  the  af- 
fair is  a  bargain,  in  which  too  often 
the  modern  young  people  refuse  to 
recognize  any  of  the  responsibilities. 
Let  us,  for  the  sake  of  our  argu- 
93 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ment,  suppose,  Caroline,  that  you 
have  fallen  in  love  with,  and  mar- 
ried, what  appears  to  be  a  suitable 
young  man  in  fortune  and  character. 
We  will  pretend  that  he  is  the  eld- 
est son  of  some  one  of  importance, 
and  in  his  turn  one  day  will  occupy 
a  great  position.  If  you  have  care- 
fully followed  the  advice  I  have  been 
giving  you,  you  will  be  so  dis- 
guished  in  appearance  and  manner 
that  you  ought  to  be  an  ornament  to 
your  new  station.  And  you  must 
make  your  husband  feel  from  the 
very  beginning  that  you  mean  to 
take  the  deepest  interest  in  all  his 
tastes  and  pursuits:  if  they  are  po- 
litical, that  you  will  endeavor  to  for- 
ward his  interest  and  understand  his 
aims;  if  they  lie  in  the  country  and 
94 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

the  management  of  his  estate,  that 
you  mean  to  fulfil  all  the  duties  which 
such  an  existence  requires.  If  he  is 
a  soldier,  a  sailor,  a  barrister,  a  fin- 
ancier— no  matter  what — this  same 
principle  applies,  though  in  the  lat- 
ter professions  you  cannot  take  per- 
haps such  active  interest;  but  you 
must  show  him  that  at  all  events  you 
can  give  him  your  sympathy  and 
understanding,  and  make  his  home 
pleasant  and  agreeable  when  he  re- 
turns to  it.  If  you  make  it  smooth 
and  charming  for  him  you  may  be  as 
certain  that  he  will  prefer  to  spend 
all  his  spare  time  with  you  as  that 
he  will  break  away  immediately  if 
you  do  not. 

All   human   beings   unconsciously 
in  their  leisure  moments  do  what  they 
95 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

like  best.  If  you  find  a  man  in  his 
free  hours  doing  something  which  he 
obviously  cannot  like,  it  is  because 
to  accomplish  his  duty  is  the  thing  he 
likes  best.  Thus,  if  you  bore  your 
husband  in  his  leisure,  he  may  stay 
with  you  for  a  while  from  a  sense  of 
duty,  but  he  will  begin  to  make  ex- 
cuses of  work  to  curtail  the  moments, 
and  he  will  snatch  time  from  his  real 
work  for  his  pleasure  elsewhere. 

Whether  you  keep  your  husband's 
love  and  devotion  lies  almost  entirely 
with  yourself  and  your  own  intelli- 
gence, and  I  might  say  sagacity !  Re- 
member this  maxim:  "A  fool  can  win 
the  love  of  a  man,  but  it  requires  a 
woman  of  resources  to  keep  it" — the 
difficulty  being  much  greater  in  a 
country  like  England,  where  the 
96 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

women  are  in  the  majority,  than  in 
another  where  they  have  to  be  fought 
for,  and  the  men  are  the  more  nu- 
merous. 

We  will  suppose  that  you  desire 
to  retain  the  love  and  devotion  of 
your  husband,  and  have  not  only 
married  him  for  a  home  and  a  place 
in  society.  In  this  case  face  the  fact 
that  it  is  always  a  difficult  matter 
for  a  woman  to  keep  a  man  in  love 
with  her  when  once  she  belongs  to 
him,  and  he  has  no  obstacles  to  over- 
come. For  man  is  a  hunter  natu- 
rally, and  when  the  quarry  is  ob- 
tained his  interest  in  that  particular 
beast  wanes,  although  the  interest  in 
securing  by  his  skill  another  of  the 
same  species  remains  as  active  as 
ever. 

97 


Your  Affectionate  Godinother 

The  wise  woman  realizes  all  these 
primitive  and  deep-seated  instincts  in 
human  nature,  and  adapts  herself  to 
them.  She  recognizes  the  futility  of 
trying  to  make  her  personal  protest 
effective  against  what  is  a  funda- 
mental characteristic  of  all  male  ani- 
mals. 

Who,  seeing  a  wall  with  several 
gates  in  it,  would  be  so  foolish  as  to 
fling  herself  against  the  stones  in- 
stead of  quietly  going  through  one 
of  the  openings,  simply  because  she 
resented  the  wall's  being  there  at  all! 
And  yet  this  is  what  numbers — in- 
deed the  majority — of  women  do, 
figuratively,  in  their  dealings  with 
men ;  and  so  destroy  their  own  happi- 
ness. Eut  I  want  you  to  be  wiser, 
Caroline.  Realize  when  you  embark 
98 


Yo2ir  Affectionate  Godmother 

upon  matrimony  that  you  will  have 
to  play  a  difficult  game,  with  the  odds 
all  against  you,  and  that  it  will  take 
every  atom  of  your  intelligence  to 
win  it,  the  prize  being  continued  hap- 
piness. You  may  reply,  "If  Charlie 
requires  all  this  management  and 
thinking  over,  let  him  go!  I  would 
not  demean  myself  by  pandering  to 
such  things." 

And  I  answer,  "Certainly,  if  to  let 
him  go  will  make  you  as  happy  as 
to  keep  him!"  But  if,  on  the  con- 
trary, it  will  make  you  perfectly  mis- 
erable, then  it  will  be  more  prudent 
to  use  a  little  common  sense  about  it. 
Ask  yourself  the  question  frankly 
and  then  settle  upon  your  course  of 
conduct. 

If  you  decide  to  try  to  keep  him, 
99 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

attend  to  your  means  of  attraction. 
While  you  were  engaged  to  him  you 
would  not  have  allowed  him  to  see 
you  looking  ugly  or  unappetizing 
for  the  world— such  things  are  even 
more  important  after  you  are  mar- 
ried. Never  under  any  circum- 
stances let  him  have  the  chance  of 
feeling  physically  repulsed — for  the 
very  first  time  he  experiences  this 
sensation  that  will  be  the  beginning 
of  the  end  of  his  being  in  love  with 
you,  although  he  may  go  on  treat- 
ing you  in  a  very  kind  and  friendly 
way.  But  if  you  want  to  keep  him 
in  the  blissful  state,  attend  far  more 
to  pleasing  his  eye  and  his  ear  when 
alone  with  him  than  to  pleasing  the 
world  when  you  go  out.  Let  him  feel 
that  whatever  admiration  you  pro- 
100 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

voke — and  the  more  you  do  provoke 
the  better  he  will  love  you — still  that 
your  most  utterly  attractive  allure- 
ments are  reserved  as  special  treats 
for  himself  alone.  If  I  were  able 
to  give  girls  only  one  sentence  of  ad- 
vice as  to  how  to  keep  their  husbands 
in  love  with  them,  I  should  choose 
this  one — Never  revolt  the  man's 
senses.  For,  remember,  this  particu- 
lar aspect  of  affection  called  being 
in  love  is  caused  by  the  senses  of  both 
participants  being  exalted.  He  is 
moved  by  what  he  thinks  he  sees  in 
his  beloved,  and  she  likewise;  and,  if 
the  realities  are  far  below  the  mark 
of  his  or  her  imaginary  conception 
of  them,  so  much  the  more  careful 
should  each  one  be  to  keep  up  the  il- 
lusions. Very  deep  affection  can  re- 
101 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

main  when  all  sense  of  "being  in 
love"  is  over,  but  it  has  lost  its  ex- 
quisite aroma  of  sweetness. 

A  man  will  go  on  being  in  love 
with  even  a  stupid  woman  who  never 
fails  to  please  his  eye  and  his  ear — 
whereas  he  will  lose  all  emotion  for 
the  cleverest  who  revolts  either. 
Grasp  this  truth,  that  the  personal  at- 
traction in  a  connection  like  marriage 
is  of  colossal  importance,  for  the  mo- 
ment that  is  over  the  affair  will  sub- 
side into  a  duty,  a  calm  friendship, 
or  an  armed  neutrality.  It  can  no 
longer  be  a  divine  happiness.  So  if 
you  can  keep  this  great  joy  by  using 
a  little  intelligence  and  forethought, 
how  much  better  to  do  so!  I  hope 
you  agree  with  me,  Caroline? 

Remember,  all  the  other  women 
102 


^  If  you  want  to  keep  him  in  the  blissful  state, 

attend  to  pleasing  his  eye  and  his  ear  when 

alone  with  him." 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

your  husband  will  meet  will  only  be 
showing  their  most  agreeable  sides 
to  him  without  the  handicap  of  daily 
intercourse.  Remember,  also,  that, 
though  he  may  have  the  most  hon- 
orable desire  to  be  faithful  to  you 
in  the  letter  and  the  spirit,  he  cannot 
by  his  own  will  suppress  or  increase 
his  actual  emotion  toward  you,  and 
if  you  destroy  his  ideal  of  you  it  can- 
not be  his  fault  if  his  ardor  cools. 
That  is  one  point  of  gigantic  im- 
portance which  I  want  to  hammer 
into  your  head,  child — whatever  a 
person  thinks  and  feels  about  you, 
you  yourself  are  responsible  for. 
You  have  given  his  or  her  sensibili- 
ties that  impression,  exactly  as  when 
you  look  in  a  mirror  your  reflection 
is  reproduced. 

105 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

People  complain  of  being  misun- 
derstood, but  it  is  because  they  them- 
selves, unconsciously  perhaps,  have 
given  the  cause  for  misunderstand- 
ing. A  girl  may  say  a  man  is  a 
brute  and  a  false  traitor,  because  in 
May  he  was  passionately  loving, 
making  every  vow  to  her,  but  by  Oc- 
tober he  had  cooled,  and  by  Decem- 
ber he  had  become  in  love  with  some 
one  else!  Granted  that  some  men 
have  fickle  natures  and  more  easily 
stray  than  others,  still  the  actual  emo- 
tion for  a  particular  person  is  not 
under  any  human  being's  control, 
only  the  demonstrations  of  it.  I  must 
be  very  explicit  about  this  statement 
in  case  you  misunderstand  me. 

I  mean  that  no  man  or  woman  can 
love  or  unlove  at  will — (by  "love"  I 
106 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

am  still  meaning  all  the  emotions 
which  are  contained  in  the  state  called 
"being  in  love").  This  state  in  man 
or  woman  is  produced,  as  I  said  be- 
fore, by  some  attraction  in  the  loved 
one,  just  as  a  needle  is  attracted  by 
a  magnet.  If  the  magnetic  power 
were  to  lessen  in  the  magnet  the  nee- 
dle could  not  prevent  itself  from 
falling  away  from  it — or  if  another 
and  stronger  magnet  were  placed 
near  the  needle  it  would  be  drawn  to 
that.  It — the  needle — would  only  be 
obeying  natural  laws  and  therefore 
would  not  be  responsible. 

Which,  then,  could  you  blame — 
the  original  magnet  or  the  needle? 

Obviously  the  magnet  is  responsi- 
ble. 

You  may  reply.  But  the  magnet 
107 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

did  not  wish  to  lessen  in  attraction; 
that  and  the  arrival  of  the  stronger 
magnet  were  pure  misfortunes  and 
accidents  of  fate. 

Granted — but  this  only  brings  in 
a  third  influence — it  does  not  throw 
the  blame  upon  the  needle.  So  I 
want  you  to  understand,  Caroline, 
that  if  a  man  ceases  to  love  you  it  is 
your  own  fault — or  misfortune — 
never  his  fault;  just  as,  if  you  cease 
to  love  the  man,  it  is  his  fault  or  mis- 
fortune, not  yours. 

These  are  truths  which  ninety-nine 
women  out  of  a  hundred  do  not  care 
to  face.  But  the  wise  hundredth,  re- 
alizing that  she  is  the  magnet,  tries 
her  uttermost  to  keep  her  magnetic 
power  strong  enough  to  withstand 
all  misfortune  or  the  attacks  of  other 
108 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

magnets — that  is,  if  she  wishes  to 
keep  the  man  who  is  the  needle. 

And  if  he  leaves  her  she  must  ask 
herself  how  she  is  in  fault.  She  must 
never  blame  him.  If  she  cannot 
discover  that  she  is  in  fault  at  all, 
she  is  then  in  the  position  of  the  first 
magnet — and  it  is  her  misfortune; 
but  misfortune  can  be  turned  into 
success  by  intelligence,  and,  with 
skill,  a  magnet  can  be  recharged. 

Now  do  you  clearly  understand 
this  argument,  Caroline?  I  hope  so, 
because  I  have  put  it  plainly  enough 
to  make  you  conscious  of  your  per- 
sonal responsibility  in  the  matter  of 
being  able  to  retain  your  husband's 
love.  So  we  can  get  back  to  the  sub- 
ject of  the  vital  importance  of  keep- 
ing his  senses  pleased  with  you. 
109 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

There  are  numbers  of  girls  who  at 
the  end  of  a  month  of  marriage  have 
done,  said,  and  looked  things  which 
they  would  have  died  rather  than  let 
their  fiances  perceive,  hear,  or  see, 
and  yet  who  are  much  astonished  and 
feel  resentful  and  aggrieved  because 
they  begin  to  reap  the  harvest  of 
their  own  actions  in  the  fact  of  their 
husbands  showing  less  love  and  re- 
spect for  them. 

How  illogical!    How  foolish! 

To  please  a  man  after  marriage 
every  attraction  which  lured  him  into 
the  bond  should  be  continually  kept 
up  to  the  mark,  because  there  are, 
then,  the  extra  foes  to  fight — the  nat- 
ural hunting  instinct  in  man  and  the 
destroying  power  of  satiety.  How 
could  a  girl  hope  to  keep  her  husband 
110 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

as  a  lover  when  she  herself  had  aban- 
doned all  the  ways  of  a  sweetheart 
and  had  assumed  little  habits  which 
would  be  enough  to  put  off  any  man ! 
If  you  have  done  everything  a 
woman  can  possibly  do  to  be  physi- 
cally and  mentally  desirable  to  your 
husband,  and  yet  have  failed  to  keep 
his  love,  you  must  search  more  deep- 
ly for  the  reason,  and  when  you  have 
found  it,  no  matter  how  the  dis- 
covery may  wound  your  vanity  or 
self-esteem,  you  must  use  the  whole 
of  your  wits  to  remedy  its  result 
if  you  are  unable  to  eradicate  its 
cause. 

He     may     have     idiosyncrasies — 

watch    them    and    avoid    irritating 

them.      He    may    have    some    taste 

which  you  do  not  share,  and  have 

111 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

shown  your  antagonism  to.  Try  to 
hide  this,  and  if  the  taste  is  not  a 
low  one  try  to  take  an  interest  in 
it.  Try  always  and  ever  to  keep 
the  atmosphere  between  you  in  har- 
mony. 

If  the  lessening  of  your  attraction 
for  him  has  been  engendered  by  the 
arrival  of  a  stronger  magnet  on  the 
scene,  your  efforts  must  be  redoubled 
to  replenish  your  own  magnetic 
powers.  You  certainly  will  not  draw 
him  back  to  you  by  making  the  con- 
trast between  yourself  and  his  new 
attraction  the  greater  through  being 
disagreeable.  If  he  outrages  your 
truest  feelings,  let  him  see  that  he 
has  hurt  you,  but  do  not  reproach 
him — not  because  you  may  not  have 
just  cause  to  do  so,  but  because  giv- 
112 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ing  way  to  this  outlet  for  your  in- 
jured emotions  would  only  defeat 
your  own  end,  that  of  bringing  him 
back  to  yourself. 

You  may  be  perfectly  certain  that 
if  that  aim  of  your  being  remains 
unchanged,  and  your  love  continues 
strong  enough  to  make  your  meth- 
ods vitally  intelligent,  you  will  event- 
ually draw  him  away  from  anything 
on  earth  back  to  the  peaceful  haven 
of  your  tender  arms.  All  this  I  am 
saying  presupposing  that  you  are 
"in  love"  with  the  man,  and  the 
greatest  desire  of  your  life  is  to  keep 
his  love  in  return. 

But  supposing  that  his  actions  kill 
your  affection  (this,  though,  is  not 
so  likely  to  happen  as  that  your  ac- 
tions will  damp  his — because  of  that 
113 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

hunting  instinct  in  man  making  him 
more  fickle  by  nature) — but  sup- 
posing it  does  happen  that  you  find 
yourself  utterly  disillusioned  and 
disgusted,  then  all  you  can  aim  at  is 
to  obtain  peace  and  dignity  in  your 
home,  and  at  least  merit  your  hus- 
band's respect,  and  the  respect  of  all 
who  know  you.  But  this  possibility 
I  must  leave  the  discussion  of  to  an- 
other letter;  it  would  be  a  digression 
in  this  one. 

The  magnet  and  the  needle  simile 
works  both  ways.  If  your  husband 
ceases  to  draw  your  affection  he  will 
only  have  himself  or  his  misfortune 
to  blame — not  you.  We  have  been 
speaking  of  emotions  hitherto,  and 
of  their  impossibility  of  control — and 
to  leave  the  discussion  at  that  would 
114 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

open  a  dangerous  door  to  those 
feather  brains  who  never,  if  they  can 
help  it,  look  at  the  real  meaning  of 
an  argument,  but  adapt  it  and  turn 
it  to  fit  their  own  desires.  So  I  must 
forcibly  state  that,  although  the  ac- 
tual emotion  in  its  coming  or  going 
is  not  under  human  control,  the 
demonstration  of  it  most  emphatical- 
ly is,  being  entirely  a  question  of 
will.  A  strong  will  can  master  any 
demonstration  of  emotion,  and  it  is 
the  duty  of  either  the  young  hus- 
band or  wife  sternly  to  curb  all  va- 
grant fancies  in  themselves,  whose 
encouragement  can  only  bring  degra- 
dation and  disaster. 

I  am  confining  myself  now  to  en- 
lightening you,  Caroline,  upon  your 
own  responsibilities.     If  your  health 
115 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

should  not  be  good  use  common  sense 
and  try  to  improve  it — make  as  light 
of  it  as  possible,  and  do  not  com- 
plain. It  is  such  a  temptation  to 
work  upon  a  loved  one's  feelings  and 
secure  oceans  of  sj^mpathy,  but  often 
the  second  or  third  time  you  do  so 
an  element  of  boredom — or,  at  best, 
patient  bearing  of  the  fret — will 
come  into  his  listening  to  your 
plaints.  If  he  is  ill  himself  do  not 
fuss  over  him,  but  at  the  same  time 
make  him  feel  that  no  mother  could 
be  more  tender  and  thoughtful  than 
you  are  being  for  his  comfort.  Do 
not  be  touchy  and  easily  hurt.  Re- 
member he  may  be  thoughtless,  but 
while  he  loves  you  he  certainly  has 
no  deliberate  intention  of  wounding 
you.  Be  cheerful  and  gay,  and  if 
116 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

he  is  depressed  by  outside  worries 
show  him  you  think  him  capable  of 
overcoming  them  all.  Let  your 
thoughts  of  him  be  always  that  he 
is  the  greatest  and  best,  and  the  cur- 
rent of  them,  vitalized  by  love,  will 
assist  him  to  become  so  in  fact. 

Think  of  all  the  young  couples 
that  you  know.  How  few  of  them 
are  really  in  love  with  each  other 
after  the  first  year!  They  have  bar- 
tered the  best  and  most  exquisite  joy 
for  such  poor  returns — and  they 
could  have  kept  their  Heaven's  gift 
if  they  had  only  thought  carefully 
over  the  things  which  are  likely  to 
destroy  it. 

I  believe  you  play  the  piano  most 
charmingly,  Caroline — in  an  easy 
way  which  gives  pleasure  to  every- 
117 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

one.  Do  not,  when  you  marry,  give 
this  up  and  let  it  be  relegated  into 
the  background,  as  so  many  girls  do 
with  their  accomplishments.  And  if 
your  husband  should  be  one  of  those 
rich  modern  young  men  who  seem  to 
have  no  sense  of  balance  or  respon- 
sibility, but  pass  their  lives  rushing 
from  one  sport  to  another,  try  to 
curb  his  restlessness  and  teach  him 
that  a  great  position  entails  great  ob- 
ligations and  that  he  must  justify 
his  ownership  of  it  in  the  eyes  of  the 
people  who  now  hold  the  casting  vote 
in  their  inexperienced  hands.  I  be- 
lieve, from  the  little  I  know  about 
politics,  that  I  am  a  Conservative, 
Caroline — but,  when  I  see  an  utter 
recklessness  and  indifference  to  their 
nation's  greatness  and  a  wild  tearing 
118 


Your  Affectio7iate  Godmother 

after  pleasure  apparently  the  only 
aims  of  young  lives  in  the  upper 
classes,  it  sickens  me  with  contempt 
and  sorrow  that  they  should  give  the 
enemy  so  good  a  chance  to  blas- 
pheme. 

And  as  women  by  their  gentleness, 
tact,  and  goodness  influence  affairs 
and  governments  and  countries, 
through  men,  a  thousand-fold  more 
than  the  cleverest  suffragettes  could 
influence  these  things  by  securing 
votes  for  women — I  do  implore  you, 
Caroline,  when  your  turn  comes  to  be 
the  inspiration  of  some  nice  young 
husband,  to  use  your  power  over  him 
to  make  him  truly  feel  the  splendor 
of  his  inheritance  in  being  an  Anglo- 
Saxon,  and  his  tremendous  obliga- 
tion to  come  up  to  the  mark. 
119 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

Now  you  will  think  I  am  becoming 
too  serious,  so  I  will  say  good-night, 
child. 

Your  affectionate  Godmother, 

E.  G. 


March,  1913. 

I  FIND  I  must  continue  the  sub- 
ject we  discussed  in  the  last 
letter  for  a  little,  Caroline,  be- 
cause, besides  the  question  you  have 
written  to  ask  me  to  answer,  there 
are  still  some  remarks  I  want  to 
make  about  marriage  which  may  be 
for  your  enlightenment. 

You  write:  "How  would  it  be  if 
the  man  I  were  to  fall  in  love  with 
and  marry  were  to  be  really  fonder 
of  me  than  I  of  him  ?  Should  I  still 
have  to  use  such  a  lot  of  intelligence 
to  keep  him?" 

Now,  in  reply  to  that,  I  want  you 
to  remember  what  I  said  about  the 
123 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

hunting  instinct  in  man.  Well,  ob- 
viously, if  he  cares  more  for  you  than 
you  do  for  him,  that  instinct  would 
still  be  in  a  state  of  excitement;  so 
that  you  would  have  this  very  pow- 
erful factor  upon  your  side  to  assist 
you  in  keeping  your  husband's  in- 
terest and  affection.  INIarriages  are 
generally  much  happier  when  this 
is  the  case,  but  it  cannot  be  arranged 
— it  is  a  question,  one  might  almost 
say,  of  luck.  Nothing  was  ever  truer 
than  the  French  proverb,  "Between 
two  lovers  there  is  always  one  who 
kisses  and  one  who  holds  the  cheek." 
And  if  the  girl  is  the  one  who  holds 
the  cheek  she  is  fortunate  indeed. 
But  for  some  unaccountable  reason, 
although  this  often  happens  during 
the  period  of  courtship,  after  mar- 
124 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

riage  the  roles  change,  and  it  will  be 
then  that  the  young  wife  will  require 
all  her  intelligence  to  keep  what  she 
has  learned  to  appreciate. 

And  no  knowledge  of  the  fact  that 
your  husband  cares  more  for  you 
than  you  do  for  him  ought  to  make 
you  lessen  your  determination  to  be 
attractive  to  him.  To  be  absolutely 
unkind  or  cruel  would  not  have  so 
alienating  an  effect  as  to  be  unattrac- 
tive. No  woman  can  count  upon  her 
power  if  she  ceases  to  charm  the 
man's  senses.  Should  you  be  happy 
enough  to  love  a  little  less  than  your 
husband,  you  may  feel  that  all  this 
analyzing  of  cause  and  effect  which 
I  have  been  treating  you  to  does  not 
altogether  apply  in  your  case,  but 
still,  if  you  are  wise  you  will  take 
125 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

to  heart  most  of  it,  and  so  hold  what 
you  have  won. 

Supposing  you  have  returned 
from  3^our  honeymoon  still  mistress 
of  the  situation,  and,  taking  no 
trouble  to  please  your  husband,  are 
just  asserting  your  own  individual- 
ity and  only  consulting  your  own 
likes  and  dislikes.  Remember  you 
have  all  your  lives  in  front  of  you, 
and  that  satiety  is  an  ever-present 
danger.  He  adores  you  still — but  he 
will  see  you  every  day,  and,  if  you 
take  no  pains  to  please  him,  that  fact 
will  militate  against  a  continuance  of 
his  adoration,  and  you  may  suddenly 
realize  that  he  is  less  eager  to  wor- 
ship you — calmer  under  your  ca- 
prices, not  so  disturbed  at  your  dis- 
pleasure, and  you  will  know  that,  im- 
126 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

less  you  use  every  art  a  woman  pos- 
sesses, your  power  over  his  emotions 
will  continue  to  wane. 

There  are  some  weak  characters  in 
men  who  are  always  ruled  by  their 
wives,  but  of  these  I  do  not  speak, 
because  no  woman  ever  really  loves 
them  from  the  beginning,  and  you 
and  I,  Caroline,  are  discussing  mar- 
riages of  love  and  how  to  keep  the 
volatile  little  god  an  inmate  of  your 
hearth  and  home. 

If  a  girl  has  married  a  real  man, 
there  are  three  things  she  must  not 
forget : 

That  the  man  is  stronger  than  she 
is;  that  the  man  is  freer  than  she  is; 
that  the  man  is  more  open  to  flattery 
than  she  is.  And,  as  he  is  stronger, 
so  he  will  break  bonds  which  are  irk- 
127 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

some  to  him  more  readily.  And,  as 
he  is  freer,  he  will  have  more  oppor- 
tunity to  indulge  vagrant  desires. 
And,  as  he  is  more  open  to  flattery, 
so  will  he  be  the  easier  prey  of  any 
other  woman  who  may  happen  to 
fancy  him. 

Thus,  Caroline,  even  if  he  loves 
you  more  than  you  love  him,  you  can- 
not afford  M'ith  safety  to  diminish 
your  attractions  for  him.  For,  if  you 
do,  it  follows  logically  that  he,  as  the 
needle,  will  eventually  be  no  longer 
drawn  to  a  magnet  whose  magnetic 
force  has  decreased. 

Now  I  want  to  discuss  the  two 
possibilities  which  I  told  you  last 
time  must  be  for  another  letter.  The 
first  one  was,  supposing  that  you  find 
yourself  at  the  end  of  the  first  year 
128 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

or  two  utterly  disillusioned  and  dis- 
gusted— what  then  is  best  to  be  done  ? 
Look  the  whole  situation  carefully  in 


Above  all,  do  not  be  dramatic." 


the  face,  and  see  what  roads  will  lead 

to  better  or  worse  conditions.    Above 

all,   do  not  be  dramatic.      The   in- 

129 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

eradicable,  insatiable  dramatic  in- 
stinct in  some  women  has  caused 
them,  for  the  pleasure  they  uncon- 
sciously take  in  a  "scene,"  to  ruin 
their  own  and  their  husbands'  lives. 
]\Ien  are  not  dramatic:  they  do  not 
"make  scenes"  —  they  loathe  them; 
they  loathe  exhibitions  of  emotion 
which,  nine  times  out  of  ten,  do  not 
occur  until  some  action  of  their  own 
provokes  them,  the  action  having 
proved  that  their  interest  in  their 
wives  is  going  off.  The  wise  woman 
instantly  appreciates  this  point,  and 
knows  that,  if  she  gives  way  to  her, 
perhaps  just,  reproaches,  she  will  be 
adding  another  millstone  round  her 
own  neck  in  a  further  weakening  of 
her  attraction  for,  and  influence  over, 
the  man.  The  wise  woman  makes 
130 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

quite  sure  that  the  matter  which  has 
annoyed  her  is  really  important — she 
banishes  it  if  not,  and,  if  it  is,  she 
states  her  case  quietly  and  with  dig- 
nity, so  that  her  husband  can  answer 
her  without  heat,  and  give  her  ex- 
planations— or  excuses. 

She  must  never  forget  that  the 
momentary  relief  and  satisfaction  of 
indulging  her  anger  is  but  a  poor 
consolation  when  it  has  produced  re- 
sentment and  repulsion  in  her  hus- 
band's mind — even  if,  as  in  the  case 
of  our  present  argument,  she  herself 
no  longer  cares  for  him.  Whatever 
the  man  has  done,  she  ought  to  say 
or  do  nothing  which  can  make  him 
feel  less  respect  for  herself  in  return. 

If  you  can  keep  in  front  of  you 
always  that  basic  principle  which  I 
131 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

explained  in  my  first  letter,  it  ^\dll 
guide  you  on  all  occasions,  and,  if 
you  are  disillusioned  and  disgusted 
with  your  husband,  it  will  suggest 
the  finest  course  for  you  to  take. 
Try  to  be  just,  do  not  repine,  admit 
to  yourself  that  you  have  lost  the 
first  prize  in  the  lottery  of  marriage, 
but  that  there  is  still  the  second  to  be 
obtained,  namely,  an  unassailable 
position,  your  husband's  respect,  per- 
haps the  interest  in  possible  children, 
the  interest  in  your  life  and  your 
place  in  the  world.  And,  above  all, 
that  inward  peace  which  comes  from 
the  knowledge  that  you  at  least  on 
your  side  are  keeping  up  the  dignity 
of  your  name  and  station. 

You  may  say  all  this  would  be  but 
a  very  second  best,  when  love  had 
132 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

been  shipwrecked.  I  fully  admit  it, 
but  it  is  more  advisable  to  obtain  the 
second  best  than  the  tenth — or  to  go 
under  altogether. 

Accept  the  fact  that  such  happi- 
ness as  you  had  hoped  for  is  not  for 
you,  and  decide  to  be  a  noble  woman 
and  do  your  duty.  Reflection  will 
tell  you  that  whatever  you  sow  you 
will  reap,  so,  if  this  misfortune 
should  come  to  you,  keep  your  head, 
Caroline,  and  use  your  common 
sense. 

Another  thing  to  remember  is  that 
you  will  not  always  be  young,  and 
that  many  years  of  your  life  will 
probably  be  passed  when  the  respect 
of  the  world,  a  great  position,  and 
the  material  advantages  will  count 
more  than  the  romantic  part  of  love. 
133 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

And  if,  through  your  disilkision  and 
disgust,  and  the  pain  of  broken  idols, 


"A  great  position  will  count  more  than  the 
[romantic  part  of  love." 

you  permit  yourself  to  act  foolishly 

and  with  want  of  dignity  at  a  period 

when  love  seems  of  supreme  impor- 

134 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

tance,  you  will  be  laying  up  limita- 
tions for  yourself.  And  it  is  only 
the  fool  who  lays  up  limitations  for 
himself  or  herself.  You  will  not 
have  got  love  back  by  acting  so,  and 
you  will  have  lost  what  might  have 
compensated  you  in  the  future. 
Nothing  is  more  pitiful  than  the  po- 
sition of  the  woman  of  forty-five 
who  has  made  scandals  in  her  youth, 
quarreled  with  her  husband  and 
broken  up  her  home,  just  because 
she  herself  was  mihappy  and  the  man 
was  a  brute.  She  is  then  left  with 
none  of  the  consolations  of  middle 
age.  No  one  considers  her;  she  is 
spoken  of  by  her  friends  and  rela- 
tions as  "poor  So-and-so."  If  she 
has  had  children,  they  have  grown  up 
under  the  wTctched  conditions  of  an 
135 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

atmosphere  of  partisanship  for  either 
parent.  She  is  ever  conscious  of  an 
anomalous  position,  and  has  to  go 
through  more  humihations  than  she 
would  have  had  to  do  if  she  had 
borne  bravely  the  anguishes  of  the 
time  of  trial,  and  used  the  whole  of 
her  intelligence  to  better  the  state  of 
things. 

However  much  a  man  may  turn 
into  a  brute,  if  he  has  once  loved  the 
woman  she  must  in  some  way  be  to 
blame,  because  love  is  so  strong  a 
master  that  it  can  soften  the  great- 
est wretch,  and  if  the  woman  had 
kept  him  loving  her  she  would  have 
kept  her  influence  over  him  as  well. 

So  you  can  see,  Caroline,  the  tre- 
mendous responsibility  you  will  be 
taking  upon  yourself  when  you 
136 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

marry,  and  how  terribly,  tragically 
foolish  it  will  be  of  you  to  enter  into 
this  bond  lightly  and  without  due  re- 
flection. 

Now  for  the  other  subject  I  allud- 
ed to:  the  permitting  and  encourag- 
ing of  vagrant  fancies.  In  these 
days,  when  no  discipline  has  been 
taught  girls,  and  very  little  principle, 
they  are  prone  to  indulge  any  ca- 
price which  comes  into  their  heads. 
Good-looking  and  attractive  young 
women  like  you,  Caroline,  are  bound 
to  have  many  temptations  to  look 
elsewhere  for  diversions  very  soon 
after  they  are  married.  And  here 
wisdom — quite  apart  from  high 
principle — should  teach  you  to  resist 
as  much  as  possible,  because  of  the 
end.  Ask  yourself  if  it  is  worth 
137 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

while  to  start  a  ball  rolling  wliich  can 
only  roll  down  hill — if  it  is  worth 
while,  for  the  momentary  gratifica- 
tion of  vanity,  to  open  a  door  which 
will  let  in  complete  disillusion  for  the 
life  which  you  have  undertaken  to 
live.  Because  all  forbidden  excite- 
ments are  like  drugs — they  have  to 
be  taken  in  stronger  and  stronger 
doses  to  produce  their  effect,  until 
the  patient  is  a  wretched  maniac  or 
dies  under  the  strain.  Suggestion 
and  a  strong  w  ill  are  such  great  helps 
to  happiness.  Suggest  to  your  sub- 
conscious mind  that  you  are  perfect- 
ly happy  and  contented  with  your 
legitimate  mate — make  the  current 
between  you  one  of  tenderness  and 
charm,  and  sternly  control  every  un- 
balanced fancy.  1  (juote  here  an- 
138 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

other  of  my  maxims:  "It  is  a  wise 
man  who  knows  when  he  is  happy 
and  can  appreciate  the  divine  bhss  of 
the  tangible  now.  Most  of  us  retro- 
spect or  anticipate,  and  so  lose  the 
present." 

Do  not  retrospect — do  not  antici- 
pate. Go  on  from  day  to  day  en- 
joying the  good  things  which  fate 
has  given  you:  menage  them  like  a 
careful  housewife — use  forethought 
— quite  a  different  thing  to  anticipa- 
tion !  Recognize  that  you  are  happy 
and  decide  what  makes  you  so,  and 
how  j'^ou  can  continue  to  employ  the 
methods  to  keep  this  joyous  state. 
Be  perfectly  calm,  and  believe  that 
nothing  can  alter  or  interrupt  the  en- 
chanting present.  For  do  not  forget 
— each  one  draws  to  himself  or  her- 
139 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

self  what  his  or  her  thoughts  dwell 
upon.  Those  who  lay  up  for  a  rainy 
day  attract  the  rainy  day  as  surely 
as  those  who  always  believe  that  good 
will  come  secure  good.  A  very  use- 
ful thing  for  you  to  do  is  to  look 
round  at  all  your  young  married 
friends,  and  see  what  niches  they 
have  carved  for  themselves  in  the 
world — which  ones  are  considered 
and  have  prestige,  which  are  treated 
as  nobodies,  which  are  laughed  at  or 
pitied.  Then  try  to  decide  upon  the 
grade  in  public  opinion  you  would 
desire  to  occupy  yourself,  and  what 
are  the  causes  of  your  friends  being 
in  whatever  places  they  are.  You 
will  get  a  number  of  advantageous 
hints  if  you  do  this  before  you  em- 
bark upon  marriage  yourself. 
140 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

You  will  find  that  simplicity,  good 
manners,  and  absence  of  all  pretense 
are  things  which  attract  everyone. 
You  will  be  wise  never  to  be  drawn  into 
a  set  one  iota  lower  than  the  one  you 
wish  to  shine  in.  Weed  your  acquain- 
tances and  remain  faithful  to  your 
friends.  Society  is  composed,  so  to 
speak,  of  three  loops.  There  is  the 
very  common  loop  which,  at  its  upper 
edge,  slightly  overlaps  the  one  above 
it,  so  that  the  best  of  these  common 
people  will  just  be  seen  at  the  worst 
of  the  middle  loop's  parties.  The 
middle  loop,  in  its  turn,  overlaps  at 
its  highest  point  the  third  and  great 
loop,  which  never  mingles  with  the 
first  and  lowest  one.  You,  Caroline, 
will  enter  society  by  the  best  door,  so 
see  that  you  are  not  drawn  to  the 
141 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

lower  edge  of  your  loop,  and  so  into 
the  vortex  beneath.  A  large  section 
of  the  world  rave  and  storm  that  peo- 
ple are  snobs  who  desire  to  be  in  the 
best  society,  but  they  forget  that  it  is 
entirely  the  most  amusing,  the  most 
intelligent  and  the  most  desirable,  and 
therefore  a  very  natural  goal  for  new- 
comers to  aim  at.  The  cleverest  men 
go  where  they  meet  the  cleverest  and 
most  entertaining  ^vomen.  And  these 
are  naturally  to  be  found  among  the 
leisured  classes,  who  have  had  time  to 
polish  all  their  attractions,  who  have 
had  money  enough  to  see  the  world 
and  cultivate  their  critical  faculties, 
who  have  learned  to  dress  and  to  move 
and  to  please  the  eye  and  ear,  and 
whose  abodes  provide  their  guests  not 
only  with  rich  food  and  drink  and 
142 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

spacious  rooms,  but  surround  them 
with  an  atmosj^here  of  taste  and  dis- 
tinction as  well.  And  when  you  see 
people  with  a  fine  title  or  great  riches 
commanding  no  prestige,  you  may 
know  it  is  because  in  themselves  they 
have  failed  to  come  up  to  the  standard 
of  what  the  best  society  requires.  It 
is  also  the  fashion  to  say  wealth  is 
necessary  to  a  position  in  society.  It 
may  be,  if  you  are  only  trying  to  enter 
it,  but  it  is  certainly  not  the  case  if 
you  have  a  right  to  your  position,  and 
are  already  there.  Then,  if  you  have 
just  a  sufficiency  to  swim  with  the 
tide,  and  are  charming  and  agreeable 
in  yourself,  you  can  create  a  position 
for  yourself  and  be  the  desired  guest 
at  all  the  best  houses. 

My  aim  for  you,  Caroline,  is  that 
143 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

you  should  come  out  this  JNIay  with 
every  chance  to  have  a  glorious 
springtime  of  life,  and  then  marry 
the  nicest  young  man,  and  live  as  hap- 
pily as  is  possible  ever  afterwards. 
But  you  must  not  start  with  impos- 
sible illusions.  INIen  are  not  angels, 
but  spoilt,  attractive  darlings!  And 
very  few  come  anywhere  near  the 
heroes  of  romance.  If  you  fall  in 
love  with  one  who  may  be  of  good 
family  and  position  but  is  much  less 
rich  than  yourself,  Caroline,  do  not, 
when  you  are  married,  ever  under  any 
circumstances  taunt  him  with  the 
fact,  as,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  some  of 
the  rich  American  women  who  have 
married  Englishmen  have  done. 
Never  insinuate  or  infer  that  the 
money  is  yours,  and  therefore  you  are 
144 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

mistress  of  the  situation.  The  man, 
although  he  may  forgive  you,  will 
never  recover  from  the  sting  and  the 
humiliation,  and  you  will  have  created 
a  canker  in  his  feelings  for  you  which 
nothing  you  can  ever  afterward  do 
will  heal.  Remember  that,  if  you 
have  married  a  man  poorer  than  your- 
self, you  did  it  deliberately  and  be- 
cause you  were  convinced  at  the  time 
that  what  he  had  to  offer  you  in  ex- 
change was  worth  while  accepting. 
In  these  days  no  one  is  forced  into 
marriage,  least  of  all  an  heiress  like 
you,  Caroline.  And  nothing  can  be 
meaner  or  more  unladylike  than  to 
remind  your  husband  that  it  is  you 
who  hold  the  purse-strings.  Where 
love  is,  there  never  should  be  any  de- 
sire to  humiliate,  and,  when  love  flies 
145 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

away,  friendship  can  stay,  and  dig- 
nity and  respect  take  his  place. 

If  your  husband  has  a  fine  spirit 
you  will  have  wounded  him  beyond 
redress  by  taunting  him  with  your 
money,  and,  if  he  has  a  small  mind, 
you  will  have  galled  him  into  enmity, 
besides  having  fallen  far  short  of  that 
respect  for  yourself  which  is  the 
mainstay  of  my  basic  principle. 

Never  ask  your  husband  questions. 
If  you  do,  you  may  be  certain  he  will 
only  tell  you  the  truth  when  he  feels 
inclined — and  one  day  you  will  find 
it  out,  and  then  think  he  is  always 
lying.  Do  not  worry  him  when  he  is 
tired.  Never  tell  him  of  the  petty  de- 
linquencies of  the  servants.  Learn  to 
manage  these  yourself.  Do  not  be 
egotistical  and  talk  about  yourself. 
146 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

Do  not  recount  to  him  the  better  posi- 
tion or  greater  pleasures  enjoyed  by 
your  friends.  But,  on  the  other  hand, 
do  not  be  meek  and  submissive  and 
without  character,  pandering  to  all 
his  weaknesses.  Hold  your  own  opin- 
ions when  they  are  just  and  right,  and 
from  the  very  first  day  inspire  him 
with  regard  for  you  as  well  as  love. 
Let  everyone  in  your  new  home  un- 
derstand that  you  mean  to  deserve 
their  respect,  and  so  will  exact  its  ob- 
servance. Whether  people  are  re- 
spected in  their  own  houses  or  not  lies 
entirely  with  themselves,  and  not  with 
the  manners  or  characters  of  their  re- 
lations and  servants.  You  can  be 
feared  and  respected,  or  j^ou  can  be 
revered  and  respected,  or  you  can  be 
outwardly  respected  and  inwardly 
147 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

despised.  You  will  be  well  served  in 
the  first  case;  you  will  be  exquisitely 
served  in  the  second ;  and  you  will  be 
cheated  and  mocked  in  the  third.  It 
lies  with  yourself  which  of  these  you 
choose  to  call  forth.  You  may  think, 
Caroline,  that,  considering  you  are 
only  just  coming  out,  I  might  be 
talking  to  you  upon  lighter  and  more 
frivolous  subjects;  but,  as  you  are 
pretty  and  an  heiress,  the  marriage 
question  will  crop  up  so  very  soon 
that  I  feel  that  now,  while  you  will 
still  listen  to  me,  is  my  only  chance  to 
impress  its  importance  upon  you — 
because  the  lighter  things  are  for  such 
a  little  time,  and  marriage  is  for  so 
many  years !  But  in  my  next  and  last 
letter  before  I  shall  see  you,  I  will 
revert  to  the  ways  of  girls,  to  give 
148 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

you  your  last  polish  before  you  make 
your  curtsey  to  the  King  and  Queen 
in  May. 

So   now   I   will   say    good-night, 
child. 

Your  affectionate  Godmother, 

E.G. 


VI 


April,  1913. 

AS  this  is  the  last  letter  I  shall 
write  to  you  before  we  meet, 
Caroline,  I  shall  have  to  col- 
lect all  the  little  things  I  want  to  say 
to  you  which  are  much  easier  to  write 
than  to  express  personally.  And  so, 
first,  I  shall  begin  by  suggesting 
what  you  had  better  avoid.  The 
whole  tendency  (as  I  think  I  said  in  a 
former  letter)  of  modern  society  is 
toward  rowdiness  and  vulgarity,  and 
if  one  is  very  young  and  full  of 
spirits  it  is  so  easy  to  be  led  away  into 
indiscretions  when  one  sees  most  of 
one's  companions  doing  the  same 
thing.  But  it  is  very  foolish  and  not 
153 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

in  our  scheme  to  secure  for  you  pres- 
tige and  a  brilliant  future,  my  child, 
so  I  shall  be  quite  ruthless  in  what  I 
am  going  to  say. 

It  is  very  much  the  fashion  now  to 
lunch  and  dine  at  restaurants;  even 
the  most  youthful  debutantes  go  to 
them  with  their  chaperons,  or  to  large 
boy-and-girl  dinners  before  balls  or 
theater  parties,  when  there  may  be 
only  one  or  two  of  the  mothers  pres- 
ent. I  must  give  you  a  few  hints  as 
to  what  I  notice  is  common  and  un- 
attractive behavior  on  these  occasions. 
One  can  derive  a  cynical  amusement 
from  sitting  quietly  and  watching 
the  entrance  and  exit  of  people  in 
restaurants,  so  atrocious  are  the 
movements  of  most  of  them.  It  is 
seldom  that  anyone  seems  to  remem- 
154 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ber  that  in  public  true  distinction  is 
shown  by  the  quietest  and  most  dig- 
nified bearing.  You  will  see  women 
and  girls  flustering  in,  dragging  on 
their  gloves  and  taking  great  strides, 
or  waddling  in  these  very  narrow 
skirts,  all  self-conscious  and  plainly 
aware  that  they  are  being  observed  by 
those  sitting  on  the  chairs  at  the  sides 
of  the  halls.  In  a  public  place  true 
breeding  should  give  you  the  same  re- 
pose as  at  home,  and  all  but  your  own 
personal  acquaintances  should  be  ap- 
parently unobserved.  So,  Caroline, 
cultivate  this  unconscious  bearing. 
Finish  your  toilet,  in  the  way  of  ad- 
justment of  gloves,  etc.,  etc.,  before 
you  leave  the  dressing-room,  and  then 
walk  easily  and  without  looking 
about  you  to  join  your  party.  And 
155 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

when  you  are  at  the  table,  do  not  lean 
your  elbows  upon  it!  If  you  have 
this  deplorable  modern  habit  in  your 
own  or  intimate  friends'  houses,  for 
heaven's  sake  leave  it  behind  you 
when  you  come  out!  To  see  a  lot 
of — presumably — ladies  lounging  all 
over  the  cloth,  as  they  lean  forward 
eagerly  to  talk  to  their  vis-a-vis  or  the 
persons  next  them,  is  not  an  engag- 
ing sight,  and  only  a  few  years  ago 
it  would  have  been  considered  as 
branding  them  as  belonging  to  an- 
other world.  Whatever  laxity  of 
tenue  has  become  habitual  in  private 
life,  surely  you  can  realize  that  it  is 
very  cheap  to  indulge  in  it  in  public, 
and  that  the  fact  that  everything  is 
cheap  now  is  no  reason  for  you,  who 
are  starting  in  life,  and  wish  to  be 
156 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

distinguished,  to  follow  the  fashion. 
There  is  another  frightful  thing 
numbers  of  people  do  as  they  leave 
restaurants — you  will  see  them  twist- 
ing their  tongues  round  their  teeth 
or  making  some  movement  of  the 
lips  which  gives  the  impression  that 
they  have  hardly  finished  their  meal 
as  they  walk  out!  It  is  perfectly 
revolting.  It  seems  horrible  to 
have  to  speak  of  such  things,  child, 
but  one  sees  them  happen  so  con- 
stantly that  I  am  obliged  to  warn 
you. 

Try  to  walk  through  halls  grace- 
fully, without  self-consciousness  or 
swinging  arms ;  and  when  the  dinner 
has  begun,  enter  into  the  spirit  of  it, 
and  endeavor  to  be  agreeable  to  your 
neighbors,  but  never  forget  that  you 
157 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

are  in  a  public  place,  and  that  at  other 
tables  there  are  strangers  whom  you 
do  not  know,  and  before  whom  you 
certainly  do  not  wish  to  make  your- 
self of  no  account.  I  have  seen  boy- 
and-girl  parties  at  restaurants  where, 
if  one  had  not  known  the  names  of 
the  actual  people,  one  would  have 
presumed  they  w^ere  a  set  of  young 
hoydens  imagining  themselves  at  a 
village  feast.  All  noisy  or  unre- 
strained behavior  is  really  very  vulgar 
in  any  mixed  company.  I  am  sure 
you  will  agree  with  me  about  this, 
Caroline,  and,  if  you  will  give  your- 
self time  to  reflect  what  self-respect 
really  means,  you  will  discover  that, 
i  f  it  is  innate,  it  will  guide  you  better 
than  any  words  of  mine;  and  that 
even  as  an  acquired  quality  it  makes 
158 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

the  only  infallible  standard  to  judge 
the  expediency  or  inexpediency  of 
certain  conduct  by.  You  may,  if  you 
are  petulant,  retort,  "Goodness  gra- 
cious, if  I  have  got  to  be  thinking  all 
the  time  of  how  I  am  behaving,  I 
shall  be  a  stuck-up,  unnatural  thing, 
and  won't  have  any  fun!"  Now, 
listen,  Caroline.  We  will  make  the 
simile  that  society  is  an  operatic 
stage,  or,  to  give  a  still  more  up-to- 
date  example,  the  Russian  Ballet!  A 
certain  organized  institution.  It 
could  not  go  on  if  the  dancers  had  not 
been  taught  at  all  and  thought  they 
could  cavort  about  as  they  pleased  on 
the  plea  of  being  natural.  The  higher 
the  state  of  their  training,  the  7nore 
perfectly  natural  do  their  movements 
appear.  So  you,  before  entering  so- 
159 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ciety,  should  learn  in  such  perfection 
all  the  technical  part  of  polish  that  to 
do  the  right  thing  comes  naturally  to 
you,  and  gives  you  time,  so  to  speak, 
to  encourage  your  individual  talent, 
and  be  a  Pavlova  or  a  Karsavina. 
But,  if  you  are  only  at  the  stage  of 
the  last- joined  chorus-girl,  you  can- 
not hope  to  dance  the  pas  seulf 
Should  you  desire  to  be  so  perfectly 
savage  that  you  need  never  think  if 
you  are  doing  ugly  and  unattractive 
things  or  not,  then  you  have  no  busi- 
ness to  try  to  enter  society  at  all, 
which  is  admittedly  a  civilized  circle, 
with  standards  of  behavior  which  are 
the  result  of  centuries  of  evolution. 
It  is  not  a  primeval  forest,  where  you 
can  climb  trees  and  roll  on  the  grass 
at  will  I  No  one  forces  you  to  enter 
160 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

society,  but  for  heaven's  sake,  if  you 
do,  decide  to  do  it  well! 


"/  wonder  if  you  smoke,  dear  girl?" 

I  wonder  if  you  smoke,  dear  girl? 
There  would  be  no  use  in  my  saying 
that  I  personally  think  it  looks  ut- 
terly unattractive  to  see  a  very  young 
161 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

girl  puffing  her  cigarette,  because  I 
know  that  I  am  old-fashioned  and,  in 
this,  have  not  gone  with  the  times — 
but  such  is  my  opinion.  Should  you 
not  have  begun  to  smoke  yet,  Caro- 
line, put  it  off  as  long  as  possible, 
and,  if  you  do  take  to  it,  let  it  be  be- 
cause you  really  like  it,  not  for  a  pose, 
as  some  girls  do.  If  you  have  ac- 
quired the  habit  already,  be  very  care- 
ful of  your  teeth  as  you  get  older,  and 
to  have  your  hair  beautifully  brushed 
both  night  and  morning — the  smell  of 
stale  smoke  in  the  hair  and  breath  and 
clothes  is  so  disgusting.  While  we 
are  talking  of  personal  habits  and 
such  things  you  will  notice  that  quan- 
tities of  girls  are  not  particular  about 
their  hands  in  these  days.  The  out- 
door games  and  the  boyish  careless- 
162 


Your  Affectionate  Godrnother 

ness  about  wearing  gloves  have  al- 
most destroyed  beautiful  white  hands, 
in  the  present  generation,  and  you 
will  often  see  the  ugliest  housemaid's 
fists  upon  the  "Lady  Clara  Vere  de 
Veres,"  whose  mothers  are  famed  for 
the  beauty  of  their  own  fingers.  Try 
to  counteract  by  care  the  inevitable 
eff'ect  of  outdoor  games  upon  your 
hands,  Caroline;  use  creams,  wear 
gloves  when  it  is  possible,  and  keep 
your  nails  nicely  polished.  Why  let 
one  good  thing  spoil  another?  Games 
are  good  for  the  health,  and  pretty 
white  fingers  are  pleasant  to  the  sight. 
Indeed,  whatever  your  personal 
disadvantages  may  be,  use  the  great- 
est intelligence  and  get  art  to  remedy 
them;  do  not  let  them  slide  with  the 
casual  idea  that  they  are  only  youth, 
163 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

and  that  you  will  grow  out  of  them.  I 
am  staying  in  a  hotel  in  the  South  at 
the  present  moment,  where  there  is  an 
extraordinarily  pretty  young  girl, 
whose  mother  has  allowed  her  to  stoop 
and  stand  all  crooked.  Her  stock- 
ings are  wrinkled  and,  with  a  snowy 
neck,  her  arms  are  red  and  blotchy, 
while  she  leans  upon  the  table  and 
eats  in  a  horrible  manner,  with  bright- 
red  paws,  holding  her  knife  and  fork 
ungracefully;  and,  last  of  all,  her 
head  is  arranged  with  that  awful  bun- 
dle of  sausage  curls  which  I  warned 
you  about!  The  mother  looks  a 
charming  woman,  but  evidently  has 
not  what  the  Americans  call  the  nat- 
ural "horse  sense"  to  see  that  her  poor 
child  is  being  shamefully  handi- 
capped and  will  be  so  for  years,  until 
164> 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

the  necessity  to  remove  these  draw- 
backs strikes  her  own  intelHgence. 

But,  to  turn  from  material  things, 
there  is  another  curious  wave  over  so- 
ciety which  renders  women  less  at- 
tractive than  they  were,  and  it  is 
caused  by  their  numerical  supremacy. 
A  large  percentage  of  them  are  the 
seekers,  not  the  sought-after.  They 
actually  hunt  men! — the  mothers  for 
their  daughters,  the  girls  for  them- 
selves— so  that  the  attitude  of  most  of 
the  modern  jeunesse  doree  is  one  of 
self-defence.  They  are  so  sick  of  in- 
vitations being  poured  upon  them,  of 
being  grabbed  for  this  and  that,  so 
wearied  with  girls  flinging  themselves 
at  their  heads,  that  their  manners 
have  often  become  of  an  insolence 
that  would  not  have  been  tolerated 
165 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

twenty  years  ago.  But  who  can 
blame  them?  I  implore  you,  Caroline, 
to  remain  an  old  maid  twenty  times 
over  rather  than  so  degrade  your  sex ! 
Lots  of  girls  are  frightfully  eager 
about  their  partners,  ferreting  them 
out  and  reminding  them  of  their  en- 
gagements. I  am  sure  you  are  not  of 
this  sort,  child,  but  I  am  only  telling 
you  of  all  these  horrid  ways,  so  that 
you  may  obsei've  them  and  not  be  led 
into  them  unconsciously  by  seeing 
them  practiced  by  your  companions. 
I  f  you  have  with  modesty  shown  you 
are  agreeable  and  desirable  to  the 
young  men,  you  will  have  aroused 
their  hunting  instinct,  which  is  always 
longing  to  find  expression,  especially 
nowadays,  when  they  themselves  have 
to  play  so  often  the  part  of  the 
166 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

hunted!  If  you  find  yourself  not  a 
success,  you  must  ask  yourself  why 
this  is  so;  you  must  not  get  nervous 
about  being  left  behind,  and  turn  into 
a  seeker!  There  are  many  girls  who 
seem  very  popular  and  get  plenty  of 
public  attention,  but  who  behave 
themselves  so  that  they  are  spoken  of 
lightly  by  every  young  man.  Would 
such  popularity  be  worth  having, 
and  what  would  it  bring  in  a  few 
years?  Not  much  happiness,  I  fear. 
For,  even  if  one  of  these  girls  does 
marry,  she  will  not  have  earned  the 
respect  of  her  husband,  nor  will  she 
have  controlled  her  own  emotions  or 
desires  sufficiently  to  be  able  to  main- 
tain any  stable  position  in  life.  When 
I  look  back  upon  those  of  this  sort 
that  I  knew  when  I  w  as  young,  I  ask 
167 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

myself  where  are  th:  j '  ow?  Some  of 
them  are  weary  old  maids — some  have 
made  hole-and-corner,  still  enduring, 
wretched  marriages — and  some  have 
gone  under  and  are  divorced  and  for- 
gotten. "Look  to  the  end,"  my  dear 
girl,  is  an  excellent  motto  to  apply  to 
everything,  especially  to  any  common 
little  pleasure  of  the  moment. 

After  the  first  season  or  two,  if  a 
girl  does  not  marry  she  will  have 
drifted  into  one  set  or  another,  and 
you  can  judge  instantly  of  her  status 
and  prestige  by  the  men  she  collects 
round  her.  If  for  the  reason  of  not 
meeting  some  one  whom  you  feel  you 
really  want  to  marry,  or  for  any  other 
reason  you  should  remain  free  for  a 
while,  try  at  least  to  have  for  your 
friends  only  the  best  and  nicest,  be- 
168 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

cause,  as  I  have  said  again  and  again, 
like  draws  like,  and  the  best  is  not 
likely  to  be  eventually  found  in  the 
second-best  circle,  and  I  want  you  to 
have  the  best  in  everything,  Caroline. 
Do  not,  as  some  girls  do,  look  upon 
society  as  simply  the  means  to  the  se- 
curing of  a  husband,  for,  although  I 
told  you  in  one  of  my  former  letters 
the  goal  of  a  sensible  girl  is  matri- 
mony, still  she  must  come  naturally  to 
this  state  through  having,  by  her  own 
charm  and  complete  equipment,  men- 
tal and  physical,  attracted  a  suitable 
mate;  she  must  not  have  in  front  of 
her  marriage  as  a  necessity,  and  so  be 
ready  to  grab  any  creature  who  may 
show  himself  willing  with  her  to  enter 
the  bond.  But,  again,  real  self-re- 
spect would  ward  off  any  of  these 
169 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

dangers,  so,  if  you  have  it,  Caroline, 
my  advice  is  unnecessary.  The  wom- 
an who  secures  a  husband  by  maneu- 
vers and  scheming — often  against  the 
poor  fellow's  will — is  perfectly  cer- 
tain to  secure  unhappiness  of  some 
sort,  as  well  as  a  certain  degradation 
to  her  spirit.  There  are  several  no- 
torious cases  of  this  kind  in  society 
which  you  will  be  able  to  observe, 
Caroline. 

Supposing,  by  chance,  that  your 
tastes  should  turn  to  more  serious 
matters  than  just  the  amusements  of 
balls  and  games  and  the  pleasures  of 
your  age,  never  be  carried  away  by 
any  fad  or  any  new  idea,  as  are  num- 
bers of  girls  who  are  so  highly  edu- 
cated that  they  have  come  rather 
away  from  their  more  frivolous  sis- 
170 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ters.    Fads  are  abnormal,  and  alwaj'^s 
show   some   unbalance.      One   often 
hears    would-be    deep    thinkers    an- 
nouncing platitudes  in  cant  phrases, 
and    they    frequently    influence    the 
young  and  impressionable.   You  have 
often,  for  instance,  heard  them  mak- 
ing remarks  about  the   "Rights   of 
Man."     Now,  ask  yourself  a  com- 
mon-sense question:     What  are  the 
Rights  of  INIan?    You  will  find  that 
the  answer  is  that  there  are  no  such 
things !    Man  has  evolved,  and  certain 
civilizations  have  conceded  him  cer- 
tain privileges,  but  as  he  made  no  bar- 
gain with  the  Creator  when  he  en- 
tered the  world  he  cannot  possibly 
have   any   "rights."      Servants  have 
"rights,"    because    they    are    doing 
specified  work  for  food  and  wages — 
171 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

they  have  made  a  bargain.  All  hu- 
man beings  have  "rights"  between 
themselves  when  they  make  an  agree- 
ment of  exchange.  But  man — just 
man  in  the  abstract  —  can  have  no 
"rights"  at  all,  for  with  whom  did  he 
make  a  bargain?  From  whom  can  he 
claim  them?  So,  when  you  hear  peo- 
ple using  this  phrase,  you  may  know 
that  they  are  talking  balderdash  and 
have  not  thought  about  the  matter. 

Woman  has  no  "rights"  either. 
The  whole  aspect  of  these  things  for 
woman  is  largely  a  question  of  geog- 
raphy, climate,  and  custom.  One 
might  say  the  only  natural  "right"  a 
woman  appears  to  have  is  to  become  a 
mother,  because  this  seems  to  be  her 
obvious  mission  in  the  scheme  of 
things.  But  the  necessities  of  civiliza- 
172 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

tion  and  the  laws  of  her  country  have, 
above  all  things,  restricted  for  her 
this  privilege,  except  under  certain 
given  circumstances  laid  down  by 
law.  So  you  see,  Caroline,  when  you 
come  to  analyze  this  phrase  of 
"rights"  it  all  falls  to  pieces!  I  have 
only  referred  to  it  by  chance,  as  an 
illustration  of  the  folly  of  using  cant 
phrases.  Never  pretend  to  be  clever 
in  any  way ;  be  natural  and  easy,  with 
that  trained  ease  which  is  the  highest 
attribute  of  breeding.  Another  de- 
fect girls  often  have  is  shyness,  and 
very  few  people  stop  to  analyze  its 
cause.  Shyness,  when  we  have  got 
down  to  the  bedrock  of  it,  is  pure  per- 
sonal egotism.  People  are  shy  be- 
cause thej^  fancy  others  are  observing 
them.  If  they  were  not  so  conscious 
173 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

of  themselves  the}'  would  not  he  ob- 
sessed with  this  idea ;  they  would  real- 
ize that  they  are  probably  not  really 
very  interesting,  and  may  never  have 
stiaick  others'  consciousness  at  all. 
But  no — the  perpetual,  ever-present 
perception  of  self  makes  them  awk- 
ward, makes  them  wonder  what  effect 
they  are  producing,  makes  them  ner- 
vous and  the  prey  of  every  foolish- 
ness. Whereas,  if  they  were  not  so 
sensitively  occupied  with  their  own 
feelings,  they  would  do  natural 
things  without  a  tremor.  I  have  no 
patience  when  I  hear  a  woman  in  a 
great  position  being  excused  for 
stiffness  and  brusqueness  by  the  plea 
of,  "Oh,  she  is  so  dreadfully  shy !"  It 
is  not  real  humility — real  humility 
would  not  be  conscious  of  self  at  all. 
174 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

It  is  vanity  and  egotism;  and  when 
seen  in  a  grown  woman  casts  a  very 
poor  reflection  upon  those  who  had 
the  charge  of  her  bringing-up  from 
earhest  childhood.  If  you  are  shy, 
Carohne,  take  yourself  sternly  to 
task,  analyze  what  makes  you  so,  and 
overcome  it.  Bashfulness  and  shy- 
ness are  as  great  faults  as  boldness, 
and  perhaps  cause  more  unhappiness. 
The  antithesis  of  shyness  is  bump- 
tiousness, and  this  also  comes  from 
egotism;  it  is  a  different  expression 
of  the  same  fundamental  fault.  Trj^ 
to  eradicate  the  root  if  you  have  a  ten- 
dency to  either  of  its  demonstrations. 
There  are  all  sorts  of  modern 
philosophers  (in  petticoats  mostly, 
but  still  some  of  them  are  men!)  who, 
with  more  or  less  subtle  reasoning, 
175 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

are  trying  to  inculcate  an  idea  of  the 
necessity  of  individualism  in  all  wom- 
en. They  urge  every  unit  to  express 
her  individuality,  with  the  result  that 
the  average  female,  who  is  little 
higher  than  the  animal  world  in  intel- 
ligence, and  not  half  so  endowed  with 
instinct,  is  becoming  a  perfect  bore! 
She  has  not  the  sense  to  see  that,  if 
she  were  really  gifted,  nothing  on 
earth  could  keep  her  from  being  indi- 
vidual, and  that,  if  she  is  not  so,  to  try 
to  push  forward  her  commonplace 
ideas  only  clogs  the  wheels  of  prog- 
ress for  the  general  company.  Num- 
bers of  foolish  feather-brains,  bitten 
with  the  idea  that  they  have  this  high 
mission  of  showing  their  individual- 
ity, have  upset  all  possibility  of  their 
o^^'n  happiness  and  that  of  their  f  am- 
176 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

ilies.  Numbers  of  the  poor  suffra- 
gettes are  composed  of  these.  The 
mass  of  women  could  not  have  been 
intended  to  be  individual  by  the  laws 
of  Nature — not  of  man — and  the  few 
who  are  highly  gifted  have  uncon- 
sciously been  raised  on  pedestals 
without  their  own  effort.  These  are 
the  first  to  comprehend  that  it  is 
necessary  to  look  facts  straight  in  the 
face,  and  to  realize  that  when  it  comes 
to  the  last  stand,  no  matter  what  laws 
are  made,  man  will  still  be  the  master, 
through  physical  force.  And  oh!  it 
would  be  perfectly  frightful,  would 
it  not,  Caroline,  dear?  if  we  got  back 
to  a  state  where  men  were  obliged  to 
club  us  to  get  their  own  way ! 

I  am  talking  of  this  because  I  have 
often  in  these  letters  urged  you  to 
177 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

acquire  prestige  through  individual- 
ity, so  I  must  explain,  that  you  may 
not  misunderstand  me.    The  thing  I 
have  been  suggesting  for  you  is  so- 
cial, the  individuality  which  exquisite 
manners    and    courtesy    and    under- 
standing can  alone  graft  upon  your 
natural  talents  and  careful  education. 
Any  other  sort  in  a  young  girl  turns 
to  eccentricity.     And  if  when  I  see 
you  I  perceive  that,  though  sweet  and 
well  educated,  you  are  still  of  a  com- 
monplace turn  of  mind,  I  shall  desist 
from  teaching  you  to  be  a  personage, 
but  encourage  you  to  take  sensible 
pleasure  in  the  things  suitable  to  your 
brain  capacity;    and  so  you  will  be- 
come a  happy  little  wife  and  a  val- 
uable  atom   of   the   community   of 
England's  best  society. 
178 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

And  now,  Caroline  dear,  I  must 
conclude,  and  next  week,  when  we 
meet  in  London,  I  hope  we  shall  clasp 
hands  in  mutual  contentment. 

Your  affectionate  Godmother, 

E.G. 


VII 


January^  1914. 

SINCE  you  came  out  last  May, 
Caroline  dear,  we  have  seen  so 
much  of  each  other  at  inter- 
vals that  I  have  been  able  to  tell  you 
things,  and  have  had  no  occasion  to 
write.  But  as  I  shall  be  abroad  for 
several  months,  and  you  in  England, 
I  shall  have  to  begin  again  to  help 
you  in  every  way  I  can  by  letters, — as 
— far  from  my  task  being  over  after 
your  presentation — we  both  found, 
did  we  not,  dear  child  ?  that  it  had  only 
just  begun!  Because  there  are  al- 
ways new  questions  cropping  up, 
which  you  are  sweet  enough  to  want 
to  ask  my  opinion  about.  And  now 
183 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

I  shall  answer  the  one  contained  in 
your  letter  of  yesterday.  You  write 
that  you  want  to  know  what  I  think 
of  the  Tango  and  whether  you  ought 
to  dance  it? 

Let  us  take  the  subject  from  its 
broadest  point  of  view,  first — that  of 
new  fads  and  fashions  in  general,  and 
then  we  can  get  down  to  this  partic- 
ular one  which  seems  to  be  agitating 
so  many  minds  in  various  countries. 

The  first  thing  to  realize  is  the  utter 
futility  of  going  against  the  spirit  of 
the  Age.  From  the  earliest  days  of 
civilization,  waves  of  an  irresistible 
desire  for  some  change — some  freer 
expression  of  emotion — have  period- 
ically swept  over  society ;  all  the  peo- 
ple with  limited  horizons  of  thought 
have  immediately  launched  forth 
184> 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

their  protests,  and  their  horrified  and 
outraged  feelings  upon  whatever  the 
subject  happens  to  be  have  been  ex- 
pressed in  frantic  cries.  But  the 
spirit  of  the  Age  has  just  laughed  at 
them,  and  gone  its  way  and  they  have 
either  eventually  had  to  fall  in  with 
its  mandates,  or  have  been  swept  aside 
and  left  high  and  dry  in  loneliness.  I 
have  no  space  here,  or  desire  to  bore 
you,  Caroline  dear,  by  giving  in- 
stances in  the  past  of  what  I  mean, 
and  besides  most  of  them  have  been 
already  cited  in  the  papers  over  this 
matter  of  the  Tango.  But  to  state 
two — everyone  knows  the  horror  the 
introduction  of  the  valse  created,  and 
the  thought  of  a  lady  bicycling  would 
have  made  your  grandmother  shud- 
der! 

185 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

About  every  fad,  every  fashion, 
every  new  thing  which  is  started,  the 
wise  woman,  Carohne,  reserves  judg- 
ment. Because  these  matters  are  not 
questions  of  right  and  wrong,  which 
a  sense  of  duty  should  direct  her  to 
have  a  decided  opinion  upon  immedi- 
ately; they  are  merely  questions  of 
taste  and  expediency,  and  a  calm  re- 
view of  them  first  is  necessary  before 
making  up  the  mind.  If  a  girl  or 
woman  is  of  a  sufficiently  distin- 
guished personality,  and  is  endowed 
with  prestige  and  great  social  posi- 
tion, she  can  start  originalities  herself 
if  she  pleases.  But,  if  she  is  a  very 
young  girl,  this  is  most  hazardous, 
and  the  really  sensible  thing  to  do  is 
to  follow  the  oft-quoted  maxim  of 
the  Prime  Minister  and  "wait  and 
186 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

see!"  It  is  as  foolish  to  plunge  with 
ardor  into  an  untested  new  fad — 
which  you  may  be  ashamed  of  pres- 
ently— as  it  is  to  treat  it  with  antago- 
nistic scorn  and  swear  you  will  never 
have  anything  to  do  with  it!  Either 
course  of  action  may  possibly  place 
you  in  an  undesirable  or  ridiculous 
position  after  a  while,  when  the  fad 
or  fashion  has  either  shown  itself  to 
be  vulgar  and  impossible  —  or  has 
come  to  stay! 

Give  no  opinion  upon  any  radically 
new  departure,  my  child.  Quietly 
and  in  your  own  mind  weigh  its 
merits  and  demerits,  and  see  if  they 
come  above  or  below  the  standard  of 
your  own  self-respect  and  the  true 
sense  of  the  fitness  of  things — and 
then  presently  decide  for  or  against. 
187 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

Never  be  ruled  by  the  outcries  of  old- 
fashioned  people  any  more  than  you 
must  be  led  away  by  the  featherbrains 
of  your  own  age.  But  when  you  have 
arrived  at  the  moment  for  decision 
judge  the  thing  itself  by  those  two 
standards  that  I  have  just  indicated, 
and  not  by  what  anyone  else  thinks 
of  it.  Ask  yourself,  "If  I  play  this 
game,  or  wear  these  clothes,  or  dance 
this  dance,  am  I  degrading  my  ideal 
of  myself  in  any  way?  Is  there  really 
something  indecent  and  immodest  in 
it?  Or  is  it  shrieked  at  simply  be- 
cause some  of  the  shriekers  are  too 
old  to  enjoy  it,  or  their  minds  have 
turned  to  whatever  side  of  it  they 
can  fix  upon  which  can  be  developed 
into  something  suggesting  impro- 
priety?" 

188 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

When  you  have  sifted  the  motives 
for  the  outcries  against  the  new  fash- 
ion, whatever  it  may  be,  and  have 
come  to  your  own  conclusions,  go 
along  steadily  on  your  way,  and  be 
not  disturbed,  remembering  always 
that  excess  in  anything  is  undesirable 
and  all  eccentricity  is  vulgar  in  a 
young  girl.  There  will  be  plenty  of 
unbalanced  youths  and  maidens  in 
your  world  who  will  rush  headlong 
into  any  new  fad  the  instant  that  it  is 
suggested  to  them.  Well,  Caroline, 
be  very  sagacious!  And  let  them  be 
the  ballons  d'essai!  Watch  how  the 
thing  seems  to  you  and  if  it  is  likely 
to  lead  to  pleasure  or  disgust.  You 
will  not  have  committed  yourself  to 
either  side  by  this  abeyance  of  ex- 
pressed opinion,  and  can  (to  use  an- 
189 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

other  political  phrase!)  be  safely 
"seated  upon  the  fence"  for  a  suffi- 
cient time  to  be  able  to  decide  whether 
the  debated  thing  is  only  some  small 
passing  folly  of  one  set — or  if  it  is 
reall}^  something  brought  by  the  spirit 
of  the  Age.  You  will  soon  be  able  to 
settle  this  question,  and,  if  you  find 
that  it  has  this  omnipotent  force  at  its 
back,  do  not  hesitate  to  adapt  it  to 
your  desires,  and  use  it  gracefully.  I 
have  emphasized  these  three  words  on 
purpose,  because  therein  lies  the  whole 
pith  of  the  subject — for  it  is  so  often 
the  manner  of  a  thing  which  counts 
more  than  the  matter. 

There  is  another  important  fact  to 
be  remembered,  namely,  the  tremen- 
dous force  of  familiarity  and  custom 
which  can  turn  startling  innovations 
190 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

into  unnoticeable  and  innocuous 
every-day  occurrences. 

If  one  stops  to  think  for  a  minute 
one  can  conjure  up  numbers  of  sights 
which,  viewed  from  a  detached  point 
uninfluenced  by  the  familiarity  of 
custom,  would  seem  horribly  shocking 
to  one  or  other  of  our  senses.  For  in- 
stance, if  we  had  never  seen  a  butch- 
er's shop  before,  some  of  us  would 
faint  at  the  first  view  of  it!  This 
unpleasant  simile  I  give  merely  to 
show  you  in  a  very  concrete  and  forci- 
ble manner  what  I  mean — your  own 
intelligence  will  apply  the  test  to 
other  subjects. 

Thus,  I  remember,  when  first  I  saw 

a  rather  stout  and  elderly  lady  on  a 

bicycle,  I  felt  a  wave  of  repulsion 

and,  with  others  in  the  street,  I  turned 

191 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

my  head  to  look  at  her  in  disgust. 
One  sees  them  every  day  now  and  one 
does  not  even  remark  the  fact.  I 
went  with  a  party  to  a  very  fashion- 
able restaurant  to  see  in  1913,  where 
as  a  rule  only  the  elite  of  society  con- 
gregate— and  where  reserve  and  de- 
corum are  the  natural  tone  of  the 
place.  However,  for  the  New  Year's 
Eve  feast,  it  seemed  to  have  opened 
its  doors  to  a  crowd  of  the  most  as- 
piring inhabitants  of  Suburbia,  who 
afterwards  danced  in  the  ballroom. 
They  indulged  in  wonderful  "Bun- 
ny Hugs"  and  "Turkey  Trots"— and 
probably  the  Tango,  although  its 
name  had  not  become  so  famous  then, 
and  I  did  not  recognize  it.  I  recol- 
lect how  we  stood  and  watched  them 
and  laughed  at  some  of  the  sights. 
192 


Yoiir  Affectionate  Godmother 

Respectable,  and  often  very  plump, 
meres  de  families  with  agonized  faces 
of  strain  in  case  they  should  forget 
a  step,  were  bumping  against  and 
clinging  in  strange  fashion  to  some 
equally  preoccupied  partner!  I 
thought  then  how  undignified,  how 
even  revolting  it  was.  But  now  when 
I  go  out  here  in  Paris,  even  among 
the  most  rechercliees  grandes  dames 
and  see  them  (grandmothers  some  of 
them!)  taking  their  hour  or  two  of 
exercise  by  dancing  the  Tango,  I  am 
moved  by  no  spirit  of  disgust,  I  mere- 
ly feel  critical  as  to  whether  or  no 
they  do  it  well — so  far  has  custom  and 
familiarity  removed  antipathy! 

So  I  want  you  to  take  this  power- 
ful factor  into  consideration,  Caro- 
line, dear,  in  all  matters  of  innova- 
193 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

tions.  I  want  you  to  realize  that  they 
will  become  unremarkable  and  unim- 
portant— so  that  the  only  sensible, 
just  and  sagacious  way  to  look  at 
them,  if  you  should  feel  you  wish 
to  indulge  in  them,  is  to  try  to  find 
out  how  far  you  can  do  so  at  that 
present  moment  of  the  day  without 
making"  yourself  ridiculous  or  look- 
ing unseemly.  You  can  always  ex- 
ploit and  expand  your  style  when  you 
see  it  is  advisable.  As  I  said  before, 
there  is  no  rigid  law  of  right  and 
wrong  about  such  affairs,  all  are 
weighed  by  custom  and  suitability  to 
present  circumstances.  As  an  illus- 
tration I  will  tell  you  a  story  of,  per- 
haps, nineteen  years  ago. 

I  was  in  one  of  tlie  great  capitals 
of  Europe  when  bicychng  was  just 
194 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

starting,  and  at  a  court  held  a  young 
American  girl  was  presented  to  the 
Queen.  The  presentations  there  were 
arranged  quite  differently  to  ours  in 
England  and  the  august  lady  said  a 
few  words  to  each  debutante.  When 
it  came  to  the  turn  of  the  American 
girl,  the  Queen — a  lady  of  perhaps 
forty-five — asked  her  if  she  was  in- 
terested in  seeing  the  sights  of  the 
ancient  city. 

"Why,  no,  Your  Majesty,"  the 
sprightly  maiden  replied,  "I  bicyclate 
— do  you  bicyclate?  It  is  no  end  of 
fun." 

The  Queen  became  very  pink  and 
said  coldly,  "Such  pastimes  are  hard- 
ly suitable  to  my  age  or  position," 
and  passed  on — but  the  nice  point  of 
the  tale  is  that  at  that  very  moment 
195 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

the  Sovereign  was  taking  lessons  in 
the  strict  privacy  of  her  own  royal 
garden!  Only  her  perfect  sense  of 
the  fitness  of  things  made  her  not 
expose  herself  at  that  early  day  of 
the  fashion  in  public,  or  even  admit 
that  she  was  countenancing  the  new 
exercise. 

Do  not  tliink  for  a  moment,  Caro- 
line, that,  in  all  this  that  I  have  been 
saying,  I  am  advocating  a  hypocriti- 
cal course  of  conduct  which  may  be 
applied  to  other  things.  This  "wait 
and  see"  attitude  I  am  only  suggest- 
ing as  prudent  to  adopt  over  such 
light  matters  as  fashions  and  fads. 
But  this,  I  hope,  child,  you  have  been 
intelligent  enough  to  imderstand  as 
you  have  read  my  words.  You  are 
fortunately  not  of  that  turn  of  mind 
196 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

which  twists  sentences  to  your  own 
liking.  So  now,  as  I  feel  that  you 
will  have  grasped  my  point  of  view 
about  all  new  amusements  and  in- 
novations, we  can  get  on  to  the 
actual  point  of  the  much  discussed 
Tango ! 

It  would  seem  that  it  has  been 
brought  by  the  spirit  of  the  Age,  and 
so  no  outcries  from  any  section  of 
society  will  stop  its  progress.  It  will 
only  cease  to  be  danced  when  satiety 
has  set  in,  and  the  spirit  which 
brought  it  has  moved  further  on.  Its 
great  difficulty  will  help  to  lengthen 
its  reign.  Emperors  and  strict  par- 
ents may  desire  its  banishment,  and 
forbid  its  being  indulged  in  by  those 
over  whose  actions  they  have  com- 
mand,— but  presently  their  orders 
197 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

will  be  evaded  by  even  these,  for 
youth  will  have  its  way,  and  general 
society  will  do  as  it  pleases. 

This  being  the  case,  Caroline,  you 
can  come  off  your  prudent  fence 
(where  you  were  quite  right  to  sit 
until  now!)  and  take  the  very  best 
lessons  in  the  Tango  j'^ou  can  pro- 
cure without  a  troubled  thought  in 
your  pretty  head  as  to  whether  or  no 
you  ought  to  dance  a  dance  of  "low 
Argentine  origin,"  or  whether  or  n^ 
vulgar  and  immodest  people  can 
weave  into  it  some  unpleasant  fea- 
tures— the  more  they  do  so  the  more 
gracefully  and  in  the  more  distin- 
guished fashion  can  you  try  to  prac- 
tice it. 

Do  not  endeavor  to  learn  too  many 
steps.  Stick  to  a  few  until  you  can 
198 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

do  them  so  well  that  you  can  dance 
with  any  good  partner  without  that 
look  of  strain  overspreading  your 
face,  and  in  the  certainty  that  you 
will  be  able  to  follow  his  lead.  You 
can  say  to  him  as  you  start,  "I  only 
know  such  and  such  steps."  Try  at 
first  to  peep  at  yourself  moving  in 
some  long  mirror — notice  if  your  at- 
titude is  graceful  and  sufficiently  re- 
served without  being  stiff.  And  one 
thing  I  do  implore  of  you,  Caroline, 
do  not  cavort  constantly  with  any 
creature  who  may  have  crept  into  the 
houses  where  you  go,  just  because  he 
is  a  good  Tango  dancer,  if  he  has  no 
other  quality  to  recommend  him.  Try 
to  stick  to  the  young  men  of  your 
own  class  and  set,  whose  company 
you  are  accustomed  to  in  other  games 
199 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

and  other  moments.  They  will  learn 
to  become  good  dancers  soon  enough 
when  they  find  that  for  them  to  do 
so  is  the  wish  of  the  nicest  girls.  If 
you  want  an  instance  of  what  I  mean, 
there  was  a  perfectly  admirable  il- 
lustration in  the  Daily  Mirror  not 
long  ago  in  that  page  where  the  fun- 
ny sketches  are.  I  think  it  was  called 
"Her  Ladyship's  Tango  Partner," 
or  some  such  title,  and  was  quite  ex- 
quisitely humorous — and  gives  the 
exact  note  of  what  I  am  advising  you 
about.  If  you  did  not  happen  to  see 
it  get  the  back  numbers  and  look  it 
up,  as  it  will  show  you  exactly  the 
way  that  it  is  undesirable  that  you 
should  have  to  look  at  those  young 
men  whom  you  allow  to  be  your  part- 
ners. When  they  have  sunk  into  just 
200 


Your  Afectionate  Godmother 

that  "Her  Ladyship's  Tango  Part- 
ners," then  you  can  know  that  I 
should  not  approve  of  your  dancing 
with  them.  Unless  you  have  deliber- 
ately paid  them  to  teach  you,  when 
the  situation  is  different  and  you  turn 
into  pupil  and  master,  not  a  thought- 
less Caroline,  using  some  humble  per- 
son for  her  own  ends  without  re- 
muneration, or  with  the  remuneration 
of  favors  which  should  only  be  grant- 
ed to  those  of  her  own  class. 

There  are  always  weird  people  in 
society  among  all  ranks  who  seem  to 
take  a  delight  in  removing  barriers, 
and  the  landmarks  of  suitable  con- 
duct, by  bringing  paid  instructors  of 
fashionable  pastimes  out  of  their 
places — making  everyone  round  them 
uncomfortable,  and  themselves  con- 
201 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

spicuous.  These  people — no  matter 
what  their  worldly  rank  may  be — 
must  have  some  strong  strain  of  vul- 
garity in  themselves  not  to  under- 
stand better  the  sense  of  the  fitness 
of  things,  and  they  do  much  to  sound 
the  death  knell  of  the  pastime  itself. 
You  should  never  forget  that  gentle 
courtesy  is  due  from  you  to  every 
paid  instructor  you  employ  in  any 
of  your  games — but  no  familiarity — 
and  if  the  golf  master,  or  the  skating 
master,  or  the  Tango  master  respects 
himself,  he  will  be  disgusted  with  you 
if  you  forget  your  place  with  him.  I 
believe  this  is  quite  unnecessary  ad- 
vice to  you,  Caroline,  child,  but  I  can- 
not help  giving  it,  so  unpleasantly 
surprised  have  I  been  at  the  be- 
havior I  have  witnessed  among  some 
202 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

girls  who  ought  to  have  known  bet- 
ter. 

There  is  one  other  thing  I  have  no- 
ticed and  want  to  tell  you  about.  I 
do  not  know  if  it  applies  to  England 
now  also  because  I  have  not  been 
there  since  June,  but  here  in  Paris, 
for  some  strange  reason,  no  one 
wears  gloves  when  dancing  the  Tan- 
go! And  the  result  is  that  these 
clever  Parisiennes  have  taken  unusual 
care  about  their  hands — which  seem 
whiter  and  more  attractive  looking 
than  ever,  with  superlatively  polished 
nails.  It  has  brought  in  a  regular 
cult  of  dainty  fingers  which  I  sin- 
cerely hope  will  spread  across  the 
Channel.  Just  consider  how  grateful 
we  ought  to  be  to  the  Tango  if  for 
no  other  reason!  When  one  thinks 
203 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

of  the  unappetizing  red  fists  such 
numbers  of  our  country-women  used 
to  flourish! 

Here  at  first  one  had  an  incHna- 
tion  to  laugh  when  one  saw  the 
mothers  dancing  the  Tango  as  well 
as  the  daughters,  but  if  they  do  this 
in  England  do  not  let  jourself  be 
spiteful  about  it,  Caroline.  The  ex- 
ercise is  so  splendid,  and  it  keeps  them 
young  and  inclined  to  be  more  sym- 
pathetic with  their  children.  What  is 
really  ridiculous  in  these  elderly  ladies 
is  to  do  anything — soi-disant — for 
pleasure  which  is  in  reality  a  labor 
and  a  fatigue,  just  because  they  want 
to  be  in  the  swim.  But  if  mothers 
and  chaperones  honestly  enjoy  danc- 
ing and  can  find  willing  partners, 
why  not  let  them  indulge  their  de- 
204 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

sires  in  peace?  If  they  have  the  dig- 
nity which  they  ought  to  have  they 
will  realize  the  situations  and  the  en- 
tertainments in  and  at  which  they 
ought  to  refrain  from  participating 
actively.  But  try  to  be  tolerant,  Car- 
oline, in  your  judgment  of  them. 
For  this  is  another  remarkable  fea- 
ture which  the  Spirit  of  this  Age  has 
brought — the  intense  desire  in  every- 
one to  keep  young,  and  it  is  a  good 
desire  at  its  base. 

I  do  not  dance  the  Tango  myself, 
although  I  am  at  the  fashionable  age 
for  it  here  (over  forty!) ,  but  it  is  not 
from  principle,  but  because  it  would 
bore  me  terribly  to  have  to  do  so — 
and  I  have  arrived  at  a  time  of  life 
when  I  can  please  myself  about  my 
amusements.  But  to  you  who  are 
205 


Tour  Affectionate  Godmother 

young  I  give  this  piece  of  worldly 
advice.  Even  if  the  Tango  does  not 
particularly  attract  you,  if  it  is  the 
rage  among  your  set  try  to  learn  it 
because  otherwise  you  will  soon  be- 
gin to  feel  yourself  left  out  and  ne- 
glected, no  matter  how  pretty  and 
accomplished  you  are  in  other  ways, 
for  I  know  you  well  enough  now  to 
know  that  you  are  not  strong  enough, 
dear  child,  to  turn  a  tide  or  make  any 
considerable  quantity  of  your  friends 
follow  your  lead.  There  are  only 
about  three  women  in  every  age  who 
can  ever  do  this,  so  do  not  be  oif  end- 
ed with  me  for  my  plain  speaking. 

And  for  a  last  word  about  the  Tan- 
go.   Dance  it,  if  your  friends  dance 
it,  and  try  to  do  it  with  the  most  per- 
fect grace  and  modesty  that  diligent 
206 


"  The  Tango — dance  it,  if  your  friends  dance 
it,  and  try  to  do  it  with  the  most  perfect  grace." 


Tour  Affectionate  Qodmother 

practice  and  natural  refinement  can 
suggest.  It  is  hard  work,  and  noth- 
ing looks  more  unattractive  than  this 
dance  when  badly  done.  Be  particu- 
larly careful  how  you  hold  yourself 
and  how  you  permit  your  partner  to 
hold  you,  and  do  try  to  keep  your 
face  from  looking  as  though  you 
were  counting.  If  a  thing  which  is 
supposed  to  be  a  recreation  requires 
such  concentration  as  that,  it  be- 
comes no  longer  a  pleasure  to  indulge 
in  it  yourself,  and  gives  none  to  those 
who  are  looking  on  at  you  doing  it. 
There  are  still  numbers  of  old-fash- 
ioned people  who  have  never  seen  the 
Tango  and  who  talk  the  most  incredi- 
ble nonsense  about  it,  based  upon 
"what  they  have  heard."  Let  any  of 
them  see  the  dance  beautifully  per- 
209 


Your  Affectionate  Godmother 

formed,  and  I  am  sure  all  prejudice 
against  it  would  be  removed.  But 
whether  this  is  so  or  no,  Caroline,  I 
advise  you,  child,  to  enjoy  it  while 
you  can,  allowing  good  taste  and 
good  sense  to  guide  you  as  to  how  you 
do  it,  where  you  do  it,  and  when  you 
do  it. 

And  now,  good-bye, 
Your  affectionate  Godmother, 

E.G. 


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